In Agreement With

Rhetorical Ploy

In Ah-Gree-Mint With

Faux-innocent argumentative manoeuvre, handy for pretending not to understand the difference between the concept of an American Israel lobby comprising right-wing cranks, and the idea of an all-powerful secret cabal of eldritch Zionist Cthulu-Monsters who can command the United Nations with the merest flick of a gelatinous tentacle.

Generally employed when confronted with inconvenient opinions, this simple technique sets a metaphorical army of miniature clockwork Nazis goose-stepping all over the argument, thus bringing it to a swift conclusion.

"Well, I think it's pretty obvious that American policy in the Middle East is heavily influenced by a small group of hardcore Republican partisans, religious fundamentalists and general right wing monomaniacs."

"Why, isn't that interesting - you are in agreement with neo-nazis, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, David Irving, Mussolini, David Duke, Rudolf Hess, Adolf Hitler and Darth Vader! I find that rather suspicious."

Objectively

Adverb

Ob-Jekt-Tiv-Lay

Crafty euphemism for Not Really.

Word used to indicate that the speaker possesses no evidence whatsoever to back up his assertion and prefers instead to exhume the corpse of George Orwell, then force the 1984 author's grinning, clattering bones to dance mechanically to the speaker's tune.

"Those who demonstrated in support of the Ba'athist regime were not marching in support of peace - they were objectively pro-Saddam."

"Whoah, dude, cool skeleton! Hey, make him do the hula!"

Silence

Noun

Sy-Lense

1. Complete absence of sound in Britain when democrats are attacked by fascists.

2. Complete absence of sound in Britain when one foreign nation attacks another in a flagrant act of aggression.

Often ironically contrasted to previous vocal and strident Anti-War Protests at which thousands of bruschetta-munching trendy lefties congregated to cheer on Saddam Hussein's reign of terror.

"So when Britain prepares to liberate Iraq, British liberals Go Berserk! But when terrorist suicide bombers slaughter thousands of civilians, there's nothing but the sound of silence."

"Well, that's probably because terrorist suicide bombers couldn't give a flying shit about the opinions of British demonstrators-"

"Nonsense - it's rank, anti-Western, Occidentalist hypocrisy."

Self Defence

Noun

Selph Dee-Fense

1. The righteous act of protecting one's country from small bands of foreign-based terrorists by bombing the infrastructure of the host nation to smithereens.

Regretably necessary surgical strikes against fascists, resulting in hundreds of cases of Al-Qaedification and Terrorism-By-Proxy.

Causes the Far Left and the Academic/Media Complex to Go Berserk!

2. A despicable act of unwarranted aggression undertaken against democrats.

Opportunistic military rampage launched by known genocidaires, launched under the pretense of attacking foreign-based freedom fighters, resulting in silence from the Far Left and the Academic/Media Complex.

Case Law

Proceedings Of The Court Of Decency

Session 2006-07 - CoD 43

The Liberal Intelligentsia vs. Manning

The plaintiff held that the defendant, Bernard Manning (deceased) was guilty of the crime of racism. Supporting its case, the plaintiff presented documentary evidence showing the defendant engaged in racist behaviours, video evidence of same and anecdotal evidence from numerous eye-witnesses.

The defendant offered no rebuttal, having recently died.

Justice Brown, presiding, found against the plaintiff and declared the defendant not racist based upon mitigation.

Firstly, Justice Brown held that the defendant's extensive charity work should be counted in his favour.

Secondly, he held that Mr. Manning's alleged racism was mitigated by his British origin. Justice Brown clarified that he would not have applied such leniency had Mr. Manning lived in the American deep South during the 1950's.

He also exempted the defendant from blame on grounds of his profession, holding that comedians should benefit from a wide margin of appreciation not afforded to politicians.

Finally, in summing up, Justice Brown found Mr. Manning prima facie working class, and admonished the Liberal Intelligentsia for it's braying, snobbish condescension of an honest, hard working man.

Case dismissed, all costs to be paid by the plaintiff.

Analysis - The judgement is unusual for it's stark departure from established practice - several aspects of the decision seemed contradictory to previously accepted case law, in particular Justice Brown's advice that the plaintiff should "...turn off (its) racist antennae".

Experts were nonplussed by the verdict of not racist, since the court saw video evidence in which the defendant answered the question "Are you racist?" with the word "Yes."

Additionally, the notion that defendants can claim protection from charges of racism on the grounds of "not being a politician" is highly inconsistent with previous rulings.

It remains to be seen whether this judgement has established the precedent of Homo Laborum Intactum, which could grant immunity from prosecution to any person capable of carrying off a convincingly proletarian accent.

Full transcript of the judgement.

Well-Funded

Rhetorical Ploy

Wehll Funn-Ded

Hilarious euphemism for Jewish, used to imply that one's opponent is a closet Nazi who believes that the world is controlled by seven-foot tall Zionist lizardmen.

Particularly useful when pretending not to understand the difference between the concept of an American Israel lobby comprising right-wing cranks, Republicans and religious fundamentalists, and the idea of an omnipotent Zionist Shadow-Government of megalomaniacal, telepathic reptilian space-monsters.

Anti-War Protest

Noun

Mooz-Limz And Cruss-Tayz And Trotz, O My!

Pro-War protest, mounted by those who are On The Other Side.

A gathering of a few hundred cowardly demonstrators, tinfoil-hatted cranks and straw-men, marching together in support of fascist totalitarianism, motivated by suspicious, obsessive self-hatred and a longing to be crushed under the Islamofascist jackboot.

A rollicking good party of apologism where useful idiots cavort indecently, celebrating their childish rebellion against the father figures of authority, while furiously laughing and wanking mucky splurts of pro-Jihadi ichor into the trusting, pleading faces of the victims of tyranny.

The main Anti-War Protest of 2003 was the Bastille Day of Decency, at which several hundred Decents experienced epiphanies when faced with a broad coalition of fascists, trendy lefties and Ivory Tower elitists, thereafter penning atrociously dull books describing their brown-trousered horror.

"When I awoke on the morning of 15th February, I discovered that one million Britons had chosen to march in support of a fascist regime - the largest such rally since the marches against the overthrow of General Franco in 1975...

When I asked one young marcher why she was marching in solidarity with fascists, she resorted to a glib witticism, braying "Mister, yer fly's open and yer balls are hanging out!"

Looking down, I was horrified to discover that she was correct - it was at that moment that I espied Lady Fotheringhame, who was staring open-mouthed at my exposed clackersack in shock and undisguised revulsion...

"I can explain everything!" I blurted, stepping forward, but unbeknown to me a police horse had just that moment laid a fresh deposit of steaming manure, and I slipped and stumbled forwards into the ample bosom of a heavyset lady in a floral dress. My protestations of innocence went unheeded as she began to thrash me with her handbag..."

Extract from What's Left? by Nick Cohen

"I was deeply and passionately anti-war, determined to demonstrate my implacable hatred of the Nazi imperialist George Bush. I marched to show my steadfast commitment, my moral certitude and my genocidal hatred of western democracy...

...Then I clapped eyes on a crusty juggler talking to a bloke with a beard, and the scales fell from my eyes... I immediately threw my lot in with the pro-war crowd, who were far cooler kids, had better parties and free beer."

Extract from The Joy of Sectarianism by Andrew Anthony

Working Class

Noun

Wurr-King Klass

Social group of people employed for wages, especially in industrial or manual work, noted for their level-headed sensibilities, sense of humour and grim, steadfast hostility to the chicanery of Ivory Tower elitists and effete Hampstead liberals.

Represented in government by the humble, plain-spoken proletarians of New Labour, who wage a brave and unrelenting struggle against the megalomaniacal power-lust of chardonnay-swilling trendy lefties and the Academic/Media Complex's totalitarian grip on the reins of power.

With their natural ability to detect bullshit, they are instinctively distrustful of morally superior useful idiots and Saddam-fellating apologists for tyranny, preferring to place their faith in the callussed hands of modest, labouring sons of toil such as Martin Amis and Christopher Hitchens.

Frequently mocked by bruschetta-munching appeasers, who spend up to 75% of their waking hours urinating verbal filth into the upturned faces of the honest, upstanding people of Britain, leaving rough-hewn, Working Class Observer columnists to seethe at their own frustrated impotence.

See also Liberal Dinner Party, Decent Dole, Saint Anthony of Good Faith.

Catalogue of Contempt

Rhetorical Ploy

Kat-Ah-Log Ov Kon-Temt

Interminable liturgy of contemporary and historical atrocities and injustices that must be condemned before one is permitted to criticise any Departures From Universal Principles committed by Democrats.

The Catalogue of Contempt must be recited sequentially without any omissions - errors invariably result in an extended Will-You-Condemn-A-Thon.

"...Thus leading to the Highland Clearances, a disgusting abuse of power in which thousands of families were forced from their land and made derelict - an act which I condemn utterly, without reservation...

...Turning to the 417th item of our list, the Israeli "Security Barrier", which is really nothing more than a disguised attempt to-"

"Hey, why single out Israel for criticism? What's this obsession with the Jews, eh?"

See also Moral Equivalence, Suspicious.

Decent Taxi

Rhetorical Ploy

Dee-Sint Tack-Say

Apochryphal, unverifiable mode of transport in which anonymous Ivory Tower elitists and chardonnay-swilling trendy lefties lower their guard, thus revealing their true opinions to Nick Cohen.

A mobile Liberal Dinner Party, in which unidentified latte-sipping Hampstead liberals spill their pampered, bruschetta-stuffed guts.

Once ensconced within the Decent Taxi, no relativist can resist braying out his contempt for the working class, America, Britain, Freedom, Jews, the Enlightenment, Morality and Decency, causing Decent Observer columnists to seethe at their own frustrated impotence.

"I'll tell you what, Andy, I 'ad this couple in the back of my cab the other day - right posh, like, 'oity-toity Islington liberal types. Sniggering, they were, sniggering at working class voters for worrying about gun crime... 'Who cares if these bovine oafs are gunned down by the fousand?', she says, all laughing and snorting chardonnay out of 'er nose."

"Get out of here, Nick my old son - she really said that?"

"God's 'onest troof, mate, right in the back of my own Decent Taxi. Then he starts pumpin' 'er up the Aristotle while she reads Noam Chomsky aloud."

See also What's Left?, Decent Dole, Decent TARDIS.

Fascism

Noun

Fah-Shizz-Zum

1. Extremely nationalistic, often right wing, authoritarian ideology or system of government, commonly characterised by:

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- Strict adherence to the whims and diktats of a central authority figure, who is held to embody the virtue and power of the nation;

- Belief in one's own nation and system of government as the pinnacle of human endeavour, and the desire to impose it upon others;

- Officially endorsed scaremongering and dehumanisation of selected minority ethnic groups, who are held to be a threat to the very existence of the nation - declarations of hatred and contempt for foreigners, who are commonly regarded as weak, effeminate and in need of strong leadership.

- Domestically - extreme militarism and glorification of the armed forces and the use of violence. Extra-territorially - aggressive actions against those declared to threaten the interests of the state;

- Demands for slavish obedience to illogical and repugnant political ideologies, as espoused by central authority figures;

- Murder, torture, extra-judicial imprisonment and detention camps, enacted by a central authority that is unbound and unchecked by laws, processes or opposing political forces;

- Attempts to delete inconvenient facts from the historical record;

- The dissemination of officially endorsed propaganda glorifying the strength of central authority figures who are vital to the defense of the nation, while denigrating and dehumanising all opposition.
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2. Any person or action offending the sensibilities of Muscular Liberals.

Disambiguation - Not to be confused with objectively Pro-Fascist, which is used to describe any person or action not furthering the use of violence against Fascists.

Solidarity With Decent Iraqis

Rhetorical Ploy

Declaration of support for the good guys in Iraqi Political Football proclaimed by persons located no closer than 2000 miles from Iraq itself.

Exculpatory, post-liberation justification for the pre-emptive invasion of resource-rich Middle Eastern nations.

Obfuscatory gambit, useful for explaining vastly complex bloodbaths involving an incomprehensible patchwork of militias, death squads, private armies, criminal gangs and terrorist groups, all of whom split their loyalties between a bewildering array of political, religious, national and tribal interests.

Best expressed through the use of Decent Logic -

a) The justified invasion of Iraq has unleashed murderous tribal and ethnic violence, for which democrats bear no responsibility whatsoever.

b) No democrat should support murderous tribal and ethnic violence.
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C) The invasion of Iraq was therefore a good idea, and all democrats should support the Coalition's continued efforts to create a stable democracy.

See also Terrorists Are Bad, Failures in the Reconstruction Process, Moral Determinism, If-It-Hadn't-Been-For-You-Darn-Meddling-Kids, Victory.

Minimise

Verb

Mih-Nih-Myse

1. Despicable technique used by the far Left to play down the savagery and murderousness of fascists for propaganda purposes.

Disambiguation: Not to be confused with the act of placing the accidental bombing of civilians by democrats In Context or Putting them Into Perspective.

2. Civilised military tactic whereby surgical strikes upon military targets are designed to keep civilian casualties in the low teens.

See also Al-Qaedification, Terrorism-By-Proxy.

George Orwell

Historical Figure (1903-1950)

Novelist, political commentator and Patron Saint of Decency, George Orwell's ideas form the basis of modern Muscular Liberalism.

While he garners much respect for having physically confronted fascism by enlisting to fight in the Spanish Civil War, he is particularly lionised by Muscular Liberals for his political writings.

His most important and relevant works heap derision upon elitist Hampstead liberals and the Ivory Tower intelligentsia, rigorously refuting and ridiculing their moral relativism and liberal guilt.

Orwell was also the celebrated author of works on linguistic accuracy in political speech, inspiring Decents to eschew all forms of propaganda and weasel words when arguing.

From Nick Cohen to Comrade Hitchens, all respect the absolute prohibition upon the use of deceitful language to conceal unpalatable arguments.

Problematically, however, historians tend to gloss over Orwell's psychotic hatred of elephants, which he hunted and executed by the thousand, gunning them down without mercy while laughing in celebration.

External sources: Politics and the English Language by George Orwell, British Writer Sought After Elephant-Shooting Spree, Guardian Online

Updated - Boycott

Noun/Verb

Boi-Kott

1. Noble, voluntarily accepted prohibition upon purchasing consumer goods or indulging in professional transactions that profit regimes with poor human rights records. Allows Democrats to ethically register their objection to injustice.

2. Suspicious act of racist aggression proposed by the grievance-mongering Far Left to single out Democrats. Allows fascists to unethically register their obsessive hatred.

A proposed boycott of a civilised nation raises all manner of serious ethical and philosophical questions, e.g.: if a useful idiot proposes a boycott when there is nobody around to hear it, is it still anti-semitic?

Further reading - Fallout: The Joy of Sectarianism, by Andrew Anthony.

Administrative Notes 1

Praise for The Encyclopedia of Decency.

"(like) ...an Edinburgh Fringe publicity site... Only not as funny... you are dickhead of epic proportions who is to satire what Titus Bramble is to defending" - Brownie, Harry's Place Poster

"... deceitful and mendacious... you're an opportunistic, self-righteous knob." Alec MacPherson, Harry's Place

"Idiocy." - Josh Scholar, Harry's Place

"...peculiar and obsessive... deluded imbecile... talentless wastril... about as funny as Bob Hope... ridiculous." - Commenters at Drink-Soaked Trotskyite Popinjays For War.

"It's broos-KET-uh you thick cunt." - Anonymous commenter, EoD

In Context

Rhetorical Ploy

Inn Kon-Teckst

Circumstances forming the setting for an event, statement, or massive bombing campaign launched by Democrats.

Argumentative technique and moral blank cheque by which one justifies surgical strikes on military targets that lead to unfortunate instances of Al-Qaedafication and Terrorism-By-Proxy.

"I don't really see how the bombardment of Lebanon can be justified as an anti-terror operation - how can it be called "counter-terrorism" if a nation kills twenty times more civilians than their terrorist foes?"

"Well, the cluster-bombing of Beirut has to be seen in context - after all, Terrorists Are Bad and civilised nations have the right to legitimate self-defence."

Disambiguation: Should not be confused with understanding, by which the Far Left excuses, minimises and supports acts of terrorist violence.

Nor should it be confused with Mbunderstand, an argumentative device utilised by Madeleine Bunting to condone the tipping of buckets of shit over the heads of innocent bystanders.

External source: Norm Geras on Mbunderstanding.