Tuesday, 8 January 2008

Moral Compass

Mystical Voodoo Power

Maw-Rul Kum-Pus

Unerring internal guide of righteousness, useful for examining vastly complex bloodbaths involving an incomprehensible patchwork of militias, death squads, private armies, criminal gangs and terrorist groups, all of whom split their loyalties between a bewildering array of political, religious, national and tribal interests, and deciding which faction to support.

This 100% reliable tool of moral guidance is also useful for divining which group represents the forces of democracy in any intractable, bloody feud over land and resources between a network of competing political, criminal and religious sects.

This instinctual understanding helps the Muscular Liberal focus like a laser upon the core truths of any given conflict. He or she can thus identify the good guys, who can then be supported with mealy-mouthed newspaper articles and highly partisan blog posts, while simultaneously slaying the ravenous beast of relativism with the sword of whatabout?

Similarly, this arcane ability allows one to spot the fascists in any given conflict, the better to deliver surgical strikes upon military targets.

n.b. While the moral compass functions with absolute precision during foreign conflicts, it can often become more difficult to read during western interventions, especially if there are numerous instances of Al-Qaedification and Terrorism-by-Proxy.

At such times, it's important to note that such situations are messy and that bad things happen during wars.

See also Iraqi Political Football, Decent Telepathy, Moral Dilemma.