Friday, 18 September 2009

Case Law

Proceedings Of The Court Of Decency

Session 2009/10, CoD 22

James & Cohen vs. Western Feminists, Australian Local Intelligentsia, Australian Multiculturalist Ideologues, Legions of Australian Female Pundits, Western Female Thinkers, Writers In The Serious Newspapers, The Experts In Our Feminist Movement, The Irresponsible Semi-Intelligentsia, The Pampered Intelligentsia & Anti-Western Feminists

This fascinating case recently called before the Court of Decency, having been raised by journalists Clive James and Nicholas Cohen in the noted left-wing periodical Standpoint. The case has opened several legal cans of worms.

Firstly, while James and Cohen charged the entirety of western liberalism with crimes against the oppressed women of Islamic countries, a strict reading of their twin indictments revealed that their many synonyms for "western feminists" were in fact a cunning code for "Germaine Greer," and that the repeatedly-invoked "Pampered Intelligentsia" was a euphemism for "Timothy Garton-Ash and Ian Buruma".

Secondly, one need only examine the charges to recognise that this test-case has proved to be a watershed in the evolution of Decent Law.

1) That "Western Feminists" (i.e. Germaine Greer) think female genital mutilation is brilliant and, like, totally ethnic and shit;

2) That "Western Feminists" (i.e. Germaine Greer) are guilty of complaining too much about the status of women in western society, rather than Condemning the Muslims;

3) That "Western Feminists" (i.e. Germaine Greer) are in fact guilty of Not Condemning the Muslims regularly enough to avoid suspicion;

4) That several unnamed book reviewers are guilty of authoring unenthusiastic reviews of a book that Condemns the Muslims, and

5) That the "Pampered Intelligentsia" (i.e. Timothy Garton-Ash and Ian Buruma) are guilty of uttering mild criticism of Somali neo-conservative thinktanker Aayan Hirsi-Ali.

Analysis - The Court of Decency has set a revolutionary precedent by finding against the defendants on all counts.

The ruling means that in future, anonymous and possibly allegorical individuals can now be arrested, prosecuted and convicted for the arguments they don't make with unspecified regularity and at non-specific times in unnamed publications. Further, all western feminists are henceforth required to cease and desist with their yakking gossip about the status of women in western society, and are bound to restrict their empty gabble to Condemnations of the Muslims, preferably penned whilst performing menial tasks in The Kitchen.

It also establishes that even mild criticism of neo-conservative thinktankers is now a capital offence, as is the heinous and unforgiveable crime of penning unenthusiastic reviews of books that Condemn the Muslims.

Further, the ruling establishes that all western feminists are to be automatically presumed guilty of Germaine Greer in the first degree. This ruling is in stark contrast to the ruling in a 2006 case which found the Decent Left entirely innocent of Martin Amis with menaces.

Most importantly, the case will have the inevitable effect of clogging the Court of Decency with millions of cases against individuals who have failed to Condemn the Muslims with sufficient enthusiasm to escape suspicion. This analyst's research indicates that western liberals can and do spend as much as 99.9% of their waking lives Not Condemning the Muslims, and it may take years to track down and prosecute each and every one of these treacherous individuals for the arguments that they don't make.

Case Carried - Defendants Garton-Ash and Buruma sentenced to horsewhipping in the public stocks, followed by beheading; Defendant Greer to be buried and stoned to death by a ravening Decent mob. All costs to be paid by The Guardian, as is customary.

Thursday, 17 September 2009

Those EDL Protests - Mea Non Culpa

The Encyclopedia of Decency hereby wishes to disassociate itself utterly from the recent anti-Muslim protests of the so-called English Defence League in various towns and cities throughout the country.

The Encyclopedia's authors have always opposed the type of hysterical scaremongering that the EDF promote, and have been careful to impress upon readers that we firmly oppose the activities of some small Islamic political and religious extremist groups and the disgusting, politically-correct, right-on, traitorous far-leftists who wish to bring the nation to its knees before the Islamists' monomaniacal desire to destroy all that is right and true.

It appears however that some readers have somehow misinterpreted this nuanced and principled stance against small numbers of radical lunatics as a generalised animus towards all Muslims, and have posted hundreds of comments saying so over a number of years.

Nothing could be further from the truth. We at the Encyclopedia have taken great pains to show that we abhor racism in all its forms and we have repeatedly shown our support for moderates within the Islamic community such as Hassan Butt.

Nobody is more shocked than we are that this abhorrent crowd of violent racists have suddenly sprung up, as if from nowhere, with no encouragement from anyone. We have spent years warning that politically correct attitudes were opening the country to a dire threat from a very small number of Islamic extremists, and we are disgusted by these demonstrations by thugs warning that politically correct attitudes are opening the country to a dire threat from a very large number of Islamic extremists while chanting racist slogans.

That is why we, and all other Decents, can watch footage of the EDL protests then look ourselves in the mirror and say with our hands on our hearts that these marches by the far-right are entirely spontaneous, unforeseeable events that are completely unconnected to any of our activities over the past decade.

Indeed, if there's one primary victim to come out of all of this, it is principled anti-fascists like ourselves who oppose both the BNP and the Islamic extremists who infest our cities like Sharia cockroaches. After all, as Alexander Meleagrou-Hitchens says in the noted left wing periodical Standpoint, these protests make it all too easy for the anti-western, we-are-all-Hezbollah appeasers of Islamic fascism to portray our principled stance against totalitarianism as mere manipulation of racist fears for political ends.

As Hitchens the Younger further counsels, it is clear that responsibility for these protests - as with so much else - lies with the trendy multiculturalists who would prevent dissenting voices from raising awareness of the vast Islamist threat with a great volume of newspaper columns, campaigns, petitions, websites and blogs.

Let us not be dissuaded from the course upon which we are set, for we are certain that our cause is just and our aims noble. We say that no number of dunderheaded protests by racist idiots determined to "defend England" from a supposedly-unstoppable wave of foreign terrorists must deflect us from our duty to type up columns and blog posts hyping the Islamist threat. To your keyboards, comrades!


Sources -

Racists, Hooligans and Bigots: We Feel Your Pain Lads, But We Can Handle This By Ourselves, by Alexander Meleagrou-Hitchens;

Never Mind The BNP - Here's More Bloody Muslims, by "Lucy Lips", Harry's Place

"This is the terrorist-supporting 'we are Hezbollah' mob. We need all our lads to turn out to let them know they aren't welcome here," - Stop The Islamification of Europe, quoted in The Guardian

Nuffink To Do Wiv Me, Guv, Aaronovitch Watch

Saturday, 12 September 2009

Far-Left Activists

Catch-All Excuse For Bastardry

Farr Lehfft Ack-Tih-Vissts

Hilariously half-assed fuckery fig leaf, disingenuously used by Decents to disguise shit-flinging assaults on individuals and Humanitarian NGOs.

Allegorical gremlins invoked as rhetorical justification for any form of objectionable behaviour, esp. when pretending to be worried about the reputations of individuals or institutions one hates and wishes to destroy.

"Darling, what are you doing helping these hideous right wing bastards with their smear campaign against Amnesty International?"

"Why, I'm extremely concerned that the organisation has been infiltrated by far-left activists who are endangering the reputation Amnesty has accumulated with its excellent work criticising nations that I support unconditionally."

"Oh, I see. So this is like those times when your intense concern about far-left activists drove you to help those hideous right wing bastards with their smear campaigns against the International Red Cross, the UN weapons inspectors, the anti-war protestors, the Green Party, the Guardian and Ken Livingstone?"

"Yes dear, it's very much like all those times".

"And like that time when you were arrested while searching for evidence of far-left activists by sniffing the seats on the exercise bikes in the ladies' gym?"

"You can't let your guard down, honey - those far-left activists are everywhere".


Heartfelt Emotion


Serious regret and throbbing, priapic joy caused by the prospect of potential damage to institutions or individuals one hates and wishes to destroy.

Spam-throttling masturbatory ecstasy, characterised by wild outbursts of cheering, whooping and the immediate formation of furious circle-jerks.

When my friends and I heard that a gaggle of hideous right-wing bastards had slung together a pissweak smear campaign against Amnesty International, we were extremely concerned, twice.