Serious

Euphemism

See-Ree-Yuss

Polite term indicative of a person undergoing a spectacularly extroverted mid-life crisis, which manifests itself in ferocious demands for respect and acceptance, with sundry other quirks.

Generally occurring in men aged 35-60 who have experienced an epiphany, an outbreak of Seriousness often causes embarrassing, bellicose rants, the adoption of bizarre mental and verbal tics and a deranged desire to cruise up and down the streets of the middle east showing off one's brand-new F-22 Raptor to young ladies.

Following a period of self-examination, the Serious often concocts a strange and alarming fantasy world and can lash out violently at those who intrude into his inner psychodrama. The condition can fatally damage the Serious's personal life and career, as the extroverted nature of the disorder leads him to seek wide publicity for his new-found certainties, not unlike a slightly slow toddler proudly showing a dinner guest his whiffy, full-up potty.

Thankfully, men afflicted with all but the most acute Seriousness can overcome the condition by podgering their secretary, or by purchasing a high-powered motorcycle and driving it into a stationary vehicle at seventy miles-per-hour.

Some, however, will never shake the condition and are condemned to a life of Seriousness.

"There's no doubt about it - Martin Amis is one of Britain's most Serious authors."

See also Unserious.

*Are you afflicted with Seriousness? Would you like to meet fellow sufferers and discuss your condition? Perhaps a family member has become Serious, and you would like to find out more. If so, visit the support group's website and please - give generously.