Monday, 31 March 2008

It's No Longer Left vs. Right, But Pro-Western vs. Anti Western

Guest Post By Barry Agricola Coccyx

The distinction between the "Left" and the "Right" right in global politics today is increasingly redundant. The dialectic has given rise to and been superceded by a new dialectic: Pro-Western vs. Anti-Western.

As this new paradigm has arisen, it has become apparent that the Pro-Western factions (or The Goodies, if you will) believe in free markets, the welfare state and liberal democracy, while the Anti-Western movements (let us say, The Baddies) put their faith in sociopathic hatred, mindless violence and psychotic outbursts of bloodcurdling horror.

To appreciate the magnitude of this tectonic upheaval in global politics, one must look back to the dominant political consensus of the Cold War era, when Left and Right moved in two distinct orbits but could put aside their differences and come together in the interests of liberal democracy if so required.

The Cold War Spectrum

With the collapse of the Soviet Union, however, political thought has bashed itself inside out and disappeared up its own fundamentals, and now a coalition of Blairites, former Cold War liberals and Neoconservatives (or Us, if that would be easier) find themselves on the frontlines of a battle for the democratic future of the human species.

A significant portion of the former "Left", however, found itself with no outlet for their anti-democratic impulses, and soon found willing partners in fascist, anti-democratic movements. This motley crew of Islamists, Stalinists and nasty Tories (Them seems apt) squat at the opposite end of the new political spectrum, where their ferocious hatred burns remorseless in the eternal night of their fat, black totalitarian hearts.

The Modern Political Landscape

At first glance, this political labyrinth is a minefield of pitfalls and mantraps, but with the correct ideological maps, torches and crampons it is possible to safely navigate its swift, often treacherous waters.

What cleaves the mere Pro-Western left (Our political allies, if you will) from Muscular Liberalism (Me and my mates) who stand steadfast in the face of this looming menace is the willingness to intervene militarily to protect our values. This "Bright line" neatly demarcates the Muscular Liberal from the merely tepid Pro-Westerner in the new political landscape, and is depicted on the right.

It is only when all of these elements are combined that we can begin to make sense of the threat we face, and the proper position of Decency in this era-defining existential struggle for humanity.

The Muscular Liberal In a Post-Left World

I think it is clear where the Muscular Liberal stands in this fight - proud, upright and unafraid to raise his head, spit in the eye of the enemy and say I will not be beaten, sucked in or jerked around by Fascists!

Our faith in liberal democracy is a mighty weapon, and we must use it to draw a line in the sand against anti-liberal religious chauvanists. The hand of fate has fallen into our laps, and we refuse to spend the Greatest Intellectual Struggle of Our Time tucked out of sight or stuck in the rear.

Thank you for your time.


Sonic said...


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Very good - almost made me laugh as much as the original

flyingrodent said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
flyingrodent said...

How unfortunate - the link to HP appears to be malfunctioning, for some reason.

Not to worry, simply head over to Harry's Place and search for "Marko". That should do it.

Larry Teabag said...


I was considering an analysis in which the political landscape is modelled as a klein bottle (being of course a 4-dimensional shape which disappears up its own arse).

...but I don't think I'll bother now.

Anonymous said...

How do you become a "Chomskyite? Is there a movement I can join?

Anonymous said...

that really was genius. it was the 'goodies if you will', or 'lets say them' that really did it for me. It reminded me of futile hours reading liberal philosphers talking about what we all agree on. I was a Marxist but for a long time I really DID believe that there must be more to it then that, that all this talk about what was self-evident would somehow, at some point, be made self-evident (as opposed to simply thumping the table and thinking it totally unimaginable that anyone could think any other way). As it turned out I was wrong about that. Liberalism really is crap. All the way down.

Anonymous said...

Oh my God. I've just laughed so much over this. Well done.

James said...

A thing of beauty.

Thorogood Daniel said...

The piece you are looking for is (still, bizarrely, as this is a superior interpretation of it here) at
(hoping this will show up on the pingback over there)

Anonymous said...

Or rather [href][/href]

Anonymous said...

3rd try

Anonymous said...

4th try

What an embarrasing load of cock and balls

septicisle said...

I missed this at the time. One of your finest, without doubt. How could we have possibly known that 9 years later the exact same people would be cheering on the latest insanity alongside the Islamists the indecent left had so prostitutes themselves to?

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