Serious

Euphemism

See-Ree-Yuss

Polite term indicative of a person undergoing a spectacularly extroverted mid-life crisis, which manifests itself in ferocious demands for respect and acceptance, with sundry other quirks.

Generally occurring in men aged 35-60 who have experienced an epiphany, an outbreak of Seriousness often causes embarrassing, bellicose rants, the adoption of bizarre mental and verbal tics and a deranged desire to cruise up and down the streets of the middle east showing off one's brand-new F-22 Raptor to young ladies.

Following a period of self-examination, the Serious often concocts a strange and alarming fantasy world and can lash out violently at those who intrude into his inner psychodrama. The condition can fatally damage the Serious's personal life and career, as the extroverted nature of the disorder leads him to seek wide publicity for his new-found certainties, not unlike a slightly slow toddler proudly showing a dinner guest his whiffy, full-up potty.

Thankfully, men afflicted with all but the most acute Seriousness can overcome the condition by podgering their secretary, or by purchasing a high-powered motorcycle and driving it into a stationary vehicle at seventy miles-per-hour.

Some, however, will never shake the condition and are condemned to a life of Seriousness.

"There's no doubt about it - Martin Amis is one of Britain's most Serious authors."

See also Unserious.

*Are you afflicted with Seriousness? Would you like to meet fellow sufferers and discuss your condition? Perhaps a family member has become Serious, and you would like to find out more. If so, visit the support group's website and please - give generously.

Racism

Noun

Ray-Sizz-Zum

Anti-Semitism.

Self Defence

Noun

Selph Dee-Fense

1. The righteous act of protecting one's country from small bands of foreign-based terrorists by bombing the infrastructure of the host nation to smithereens.

Regretably necessary surgical strikes against fascists, resulting in hundreds of cases of Al-Qaedification and Terrorism-By-Proxy.

Causes the Far Left and the Academic/Media Complex to Go Berserk!

2. A despicable act of unwarranted aggression undertaken against democrats.

Opportunistic military rampage launched by known genocidaires, launched under the pretense of attacking foreign-based freedom fighters, resulting in silence from the Far Left and the Academic/Media Complex.

Updated - Boycott

Noun/Verb

Boi-Kott

1. Noble, voluntarily accepted prohibition upon purchasing consumer goods or indulging in professional transactions that profit regimes with poor human rights records. Allows Democrats to ethically register their objection to injustice.

2. Suspicious act of racist aggression proposed by the grievance-mongering Far Left to single out Democrats. Allows fascists to unethically register their obsessive hatred.

A proposed boycott of a civilised nation raises all manner of serious ethical and philosophical questions, e.g.: if a useful idiot proposes a boycott when there is nobody around to hear it, is it still anti-semitic?

Further reading - Fallout: The Joy of Sectarianism, by Andrew Anthony.

Realist

Noun

Ree-List

1. Person accepting a situation as it is and dealing with it accordingly.

2. Person objectively collaborating with Fascists, enabling their genocidal hatred and bloodlust.

Cynical reliance upon empirical evidence, as opposed to strict adherence to Decency - Muscular Liberalism rarely allows reality to intrude into its policy considerations.

3. Pejorative term used to belittle Pro-Fascists and Pacifists.

"I think the Republicans have shown that they will exploit any situation to shore up their poll numbers and stuff the pockets of their business associates - they can't be trusted to competently handle further invasions or surgical strikes, and any person with an interest in human rights should refuse to support such actions."

"Why, you're nothing but a calculating, cold blooded, conservative realist whose use for rights and ideals is limited to pretending to care."

See also Pacifism, Appeasement, Moral Equivalence.

The Rubble

Euphamism

Tha Ruh-Buhl

What remains after the judicious application of the Decent Debating Technique and Terrorists Are Bad have led to the complete collapse of a Middle Eastern nation.

Smelly, disorderly pile of exaggeration, moral blackmail, sanctimony and outright lies, upon which a shining era of democracy and human rights shall be built.

That which must never be picked through, unless it is necessary to cannibalise raw materials for the liberation of Iran, Lebanon or Syria.

"the proper concern of genuine liberals and members of the Left should have been the battle to put in place in Iraq a democratic political order and to rebuild the country's infrastructure, to create after decades of the most brutal oppression a life for Iraqis which those living in democratic countries take for granted—rather than picking through the rubble of the arguments over intervention." - Euston Manifesto

Departure From Universal Principles

Euphamism

Exculpatory linguistic wriggle for distinguishing the criminal brutality of civilised nations from that of fascist tyrannies, best summarised as "Okay, we torture people to death, but if it wasn't for us torture wouldn't be illegal in the first place."

The practice of beating restrained prisoners to death, "Palestinian hanging", coercive drowning, sexual humiliation and other forms of torture, in a network of secret military prisons kept beyond judicial oversight, as tacitly approved by the Republicans.

Moral blank cheque written to ensure that the war crimes of one's allies are put into perspective. When used in conjunction with We Punish War Crimes, We're Nicer Than Saddam and Terrorists Are Bad, allows one to reclaim the moral high ground.

From section C of the Euston Manifesto...

"The violation of basic human rights standards at Abu Ghraib, at Guantanamo, and by the practice of "rendition", must be roundly condemned for what it is: a departure from universal principles, for the establishment of which the democratic countries themselves, and in particular the United States of America, bear the greater part of the historical credit."

Criticism of any such Departures From Universal Principles is permitted only after the recitation of the Catalogue of Contempt in its entirety.

Should not be confused with the minimisation of atrocities, which is solely a tactic of the far Left.

External sources - My Jack Bauer Fantasy by Nick Cohen, What's With This Silly Taboo on Discussing Torture? by Norm Geras, Terrorists Are Bad So Why Should We Give a Shit About Arbitrary Detention and Torture? by Christopher Hitchens.

Terrorism-By-Proxy

Noun

Teh-Roh-Rizz-Um By Prock-Say

Unfortunate mishap and moral blank cheque occurring when cowardly Fascists refuse to fight like real men, choosing instead to take cover behind crudely-drawn prams.

Civilian casualties sustained when heroic Democrats launch a surgical strike against a military target using a missile that cost more to design, build and deliver than the GDP of Ireland, fired from a plane flying practically in outer space.

Tragic deaths, for which Fascists bear moral responsibility.

Often results in instances of Al-Qaedification.

"Jesus, did you hear that the bombing of Lebanon killed over a thousand people?"

"Yeah, a horrible case of Terrorism-By-Proxy. But what can we do when the enemy insists upon hiding behind crudely-drawn prams?"

History

Noun

Hiss-Storr-Ray

1. Time period commencing with Adolf Hitler's appointment as Chancellor of Germany in 1933, encompassing Britain's shameful appeasement of the Nazis and ending on VJ Day in 1945.

2. The academic study thereof.

See also Winston Churchill, Decent TARDIS, The Lessons of History.

Do not see also Vietnam.

Torture

Noun

Tohr-Tyuhr

1. Absolutely unacceptable and prohibited practice of totalitarian regimes, by whom Democrats are subjected to appalling physical and psychological abuse, as noted by vigilant Humanitarian NGOs.

2. A Departure from Universal Principles, as rhetorically inflated by exaggerating Humanitarian NGOs - principles gifted to humanity by the Americans, who deserve to be cut a little slack because Terrorists Are Bad.

3. Laughable complaint of wussy terrorists who are too effeminate to take a little bit of kneeling down, loud music, bumming with sticks and light suffocation with water and towels, as noted by mendacious Humanitarian NGOs.

The means that are justified by the ends.

See also, Euston Manifesto.

Victory

Noun

Vick-Toh-Ray

The inevitable consequence of bombing and surgical strikes - the act of failing to achieve one's tactical and strategic goals, while leaving the enemy in complete control of the battlefield.

"How can 500 dead Hezbollah terrorists be anything other than a victory?"

"Don't be so stupid - the Iraq war was a storming victory for the Coalition forces. The current conflict is a fight against fascism, and is completely unrelated to the liberation."

Epiphany

Noun

Ee-Piff-Fann-Ay

A moment of great and profound revelation, in which one realises that it is far more satisfying to externalise one's idiotic, self-loathing hatred of the West into idiotic Muslim-baiting hatred of the East.

The instant in which an idiot recognises his or her huge, honking stupidity and is magically transformed into a very, very clever person indeed.

Often results in the penning of atrociously dull books explaining how one's new ideas have been callously mocked by bruschetta-munching Hampstead liberals, whose utter derision shows their craven, Gestapo-esque love for leather, leaving Decent Observer columnists to seethe at their own frustrated impotence.

"Having spent my life espousing stupid Left-wing ideas, nobody was more surprised than I when the horror of 9/11 caused me to begin espousing stupid Right-wing ideas. I guess you could say I had an epiphany."

See also, Andrew Anthony, Nick Cohen, What's Left?, Bernard Goldberg, American Right-Wing Culture War

Islamophobia

Rhetorical Ploy

Iss-Lahm-Oh-Foh-Bay-Yah

Largely imaginary concept invented by Muslim bastards, holding that Britain has been swamped by a tidal wave of anti-Islamic hatred and hostility.

Despicable rhetorical ploy used by grievance mongers to distract attention from far more important issues, such as the tidal wave of anti-semitic hatred and hostility that has swamped Britain.

External sources - "Why Do These Muslim Bastards Keep Calling Me 'Islamophobic'?"

Unserious

Adjective

Uhn-See-Ree-Uss

1. Heretical deviance from the tenets of Decency.

2. Offering only conditional support for bombing.

"I see no need to engage with unserious debaters. Back on-topic - first, we should hit Tehran with surgical strikes."

Gloating

Adjective, Noun

Glow-Ting

Pro-fascist tactic of mentioning certain foreign-policy mishaps.

"Iraq is a nightmarish sectarian bloodbath, and here you are gloating over the carnage. Have you no shame?"

See also Victory.

Understand

Verb

Uhn-Derr-Stahnd

Term used by pro-fascists in conjunction with terrorism.

Synonyms: Minimise, Condone, Excuse, Justify, Sympathise with, Advocate, Endorse, Support, Promote, Be enamoured of, Mbunderstand.

Antonyms: Comprehend, Explain, Examine, Analyse, Contemplate, Oppose

"So, Jenny Tonge understands terrorists, does she? That wishy-washy, relativist attitude sickens me - somebody should drive a car bomb into her house."

Moral Equivalence

Noun

Maw-Rahl Eh-Kwih-Vah-Lense

The foolish belief that atrocities are wrong, even when committed by Democrats.

Poetically addressed by the Euston Manifesto in April, 2006 -

"We hold that things which are worse than other things are worse than those other things than which they are worse."

Such singling-out of Democrats' atrocities is inherently suspicious, most especially because Terrorists Are Bad.

Useful Idiot

Noun

Yewce-Fool Idd-Ay-Yott

Foolish person who acts as an unpaid propagandist for the interests of a foreign political party, while deliberately undermining the interests of his or her own country.

See also Moral Courage, Republican.

Stable Democracy

Noun

Stay-Bul Deh-Moh-Crah-Say

Nation gripped by nightmarish anarchy, wracked by murderous civil wars, death squads, sectarian strife and terrorism; ripe for plunder by aggressive, predatory neighbours.

"Mark my words, in ten years' time Iraq will be a stable democracy."

See also, Victory.

Agenda

Noun

Ah-Jen-Dah

Secret plan of pro-fascists and Grievance Mongers to destroy Israel, Islamise the United Kingdom and restore the Caliphate.

Conjugation - "I have principles, You have interests, They have an agenda."*

"Your criticism of American airstrikes is not motivated by concern for Iraqi civilians - it's all part of your malicious hidden agenda."

See also Suspicious, Obsession, Singled-Out, Decent Telepathy.

*(copyright S. Poole, 2007)