Arrogance

Despicable Self-Righteousness

1. Disgusting anti-war groupthink of sniffy left wingers, contending that there were no good reasons for supporting an insane, half-arsed, ill-defined and transparently doomed militaristic clusterfuck led by morons with support from the undead cast of Iran/Contra: The Musical.

2. The dogmatic certainty that a war that resulted in horrifyingly brutal civil strife and mass slaughter, sectarian partition, the rocket-propelled national decline of the invaders, the invaded nation and all of their allies in the region, plus the vast empowerment of reactionaries and lunatics, was somehow a bad idea.

By hewing to the bien-pensant party line, liberals on the internet have perpetrated possibly the most tragic injustice of the 21st century in implying that an elderly academic's opinions are cretinous, deluded and cracked, leaving him feeling somewhat slighted.

Source: "Why can't those who opposed the war admit that I cheerled this easily-avoidable, murderous catastrophe in good faith?", Normblog: Extract from page 388, Chapter Seven, Book Nine of the Professor's thirty two-volume epic poem "Just Because It Was a Disaster Doesn't Mean I Was Wrong, You Snotty Liberal Bastards".

Emboldened

The Wages of Wussiness

1. Superhuman status acquired by terrorists if and when citizens refuse to endorse insane government policy (x).

"We must remember that we are at war and that, if we fail in our responsibility to dispense with the judicial system/look up your arse with this enormous camera/bomb Hong Kong to smithereens, our enemies will be emboldened".

2. Supervillain status that would have been acquired by Saddam Hussein if Parliament had refused to endorse the liberation of Iraq.

"Having put in place the necessary military forces to remove Saddam Hussein, he would have been emboldened if we had then refused to remove him".

"With respect Mr. Blair, I do not recall a frenzied public clamour for the deployment of 200,000 British and American soldiers to Iraq's borders. For you to then blackmail the country into precipitate military action because of a situation that you have yourself consciously created seems rather -"

"Yes, indeed. He would've been entirely emboldened, as would have been his sons."

3. Following the whipping out of the Prime Ministerial penis in Parliament, the argument that those opposed to immediate and copious public urination across the front and back benches would, intentionally or otherwise, like to hold hands with fascists and kiss them on the lips and everything.

4. Terroristic state of depravity somewhat worse than underlined and significantly worse than italicised.

Dementia

Mental Disorder Afflicting Everybody Else

Debilitating condition causing the vast majority of the planet's population to believe that certain epic foreign policy clusterfucks and horrific bloodbaths may have been the product of political skullduggery rather than simple ideological idiocy.

Distortionary psychological blinkers inexplicably leading to the conclusion that Tony Blair and Alistair Campbell may have packed their case for calamitous war with dubious assertions, questionable intelligence and cut 'n' pasted bullshit because they were dishonest rather than wildly irresponsible and cretinous.

Woeful condition chiefly afflicting those liberals who preferred to leave Saddam Hussein in power by not bombing Iraq to pieces with no plans for reconstruction, governance or withdrawal, rather than invading Iraq with their fingers crossed for luck and then blaming the ensuing catastrophe on the liberals.

Sources - I'm Just Begging To Be Fired Now by Nick Cohen and I Supported This Insane Plan With Good Intentions, You Liberal Bastards by Professor Norm.

FKATWOT

Audience-Pleasing Acronym

Hilarious, thigh-slapping response to every partially pugnacious Presidential pronouncement, a well-executed Formerly Known As The War On Terror! sets 'em rollin' and rockin' with ROFL as Decent funnybones are tickled and sides split.

Generally deployed after any statement from Barack Obama indicating that he favours attacking terrorists rather than fellating them, FKATWOT implies the following concepts...

1) That, contrary to Barack Obama's election pledges to continue occupying Afghanistan and to keep bombing terrorists and wedding parties, Chardonnay-sipping Hampstead Guardianistas and Bien Pensant Islingtonian Liberals had feverishly hoped that Barack Obama would instead abolish the armed forces of the United States and erect a golden temple to Osama Bin Laden on the former site of the World Trade Center, and that

2) Barack Obama has in fact continued to occupy Afghanistan and bomb terrorists and wedding parties.


Taken in conjunction, these twin concepts create a chucklesome comedy cocktail of bladder-bursting proportions, causing Decents to literally explode in a puff of hilarity.

Source: Obama said "violent extremists!" FKATWOT! LMAO! by Professor Norm.

Democracy

Contradictory Plebiscitory and Representative Process

Electoral procedure whereby citizens vote for candidates ostentatiously supported by Decents.

Not to be confused with totalitarianism, whereby citizens vote for candidates ostentatiously Condemned by Decents.

Democracy in Action - A Quick Guide To National Elections

1. Formal procedure by which Iraqi democrats appoint Islamists with links to unsavoury terrorist groups as their official representatives and rulers.

The ultimate expression of the will of the Iraqi people, demonstrating their immense hunger for freedom.

Supported!

2. Formal procedure by which Palestinian fascists appoint Islamists from unsavoury terrorist groups as their official representatives and rulers.

The ultimate expression of the will of the Palestinian people, demonstrating their immense hunger for genocide.

Condemned!

3. Formal procedure by which a US-installed and supported former Unocal oil consultant and ex-CIA asset appoints himself as the Afghan people's official representative and ruler.

The ultimate expression of the will of Hamid Karzai, although of course not representative of the will of the government of the United States nor their intelligence services, who frown upon election-rigging in countries that they militarily occupy and over which they exercise de facto control.

Condemned!

4. Formal process by which Iranian democrats appoint the clerical fascist former prime minister of the Islamic Republic and right-hand man of Ayatollah Khomeini, and actually get Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as their official representative and ruler.

The ultimate expression of the will of the Iranian people, contingent upon the Iranian opposition remaining out of power. Should the opposition actually take power, they will instantly cease to be democrats and revert to being horrifying, totalitarian fascist monsters thirsting for war and genocide.

Supported! unless they actually win, at which point they will be immediately Condemned!

5. Formal process by which Venezuelan idiots vote for the terrifying socialist monster Hugo Chavez as their Supreme Dictator-For-Life.

The ultimate expression of the will of the people, demonstrating their immense thirst for a Thousand-Year Reich of bloody Bolivarian horror.

Condemned!

6. Formal process by which Lebanese democrats appoint whichever Armani-suited warlord or gangster shares their ethno-religious identity as their official representative and ruler.

The ultimate expression of the will of the Lebanese people, demonstrating their immense hatred for Hezbollah and warm, near-sexual affection for states that periodically invade, strafe and cluster bomb their country.

Supported!

7. Formal process by which Spanish pussies are intimidated into appointing anti-war appeasers of fascism as their official rulers and representatives.

The ultimate expression of the cowardice of the Spanish people, demonstrating their pitiful, wimpish inability to take a few terrorist bombings and bullshit government propaganda efforts without going all weak at the knees and bowing before fascists.

Condemned!

Note

Final analysis of the Afghan election is contingent upon the outcome of Hitchens vs. United Nations, currently being heard before the Court of Decency.

Case summary: Hitchens observes blatant electoral fraud perpetrated by a US-installed and supported former Unocal oil consultant and ex-CIA asset in an epic campaign of ballot stuffing, and concludes that said fraud is entirely the fault of the United Nations. Hitchens further commends the ultimately futile efforts of the Americans to prevent the theft of the election by the candidate that they have both financially and politically backed for decades.

Judgement pending; Full text of Hitchens' petition here.

Far-Left Activists

Catch-All Excuse For Bastardry

Farr Lehfft Ack-Tih-Vissts

Hilariously half-assed fuckery fig leaf, disingenuously used by Decents to disguise shit-flinging assaults on individuals and Humanitarian NGOs.

Allegorical gremlins invoked as rhetorical justification for any form of objectionable behaviour, esp. when pretending to be worried about the reputations of individuals or institutions one hates and wishes to destroy.

"Darling, what are you doing helping these hideous right wing bastards with their smear campaign against Amnesty International?"

"Why, I'm extremely concerned that the organisation has been infiltrated by far-left activists who are endangering the reputation Amnesty has accumulated with its excellent work criticising nations that I support unconditionally."

"Oh, I see. So this is like those times when your intense concern about far-left activists drove you to help those hideous right wing bastards with their smear campaigns against the International Red Cross, the UN weapons inspectors, the anti-war protestors, the Green Party, the Guardian and Ken Livingstone?"

"Yes dear, it's very much like all those times".

"And like that time when you were arrested while searching for evidence of far-left activists by sniffing the seats on the exercise bikes in the ladies' gym?"

"You can't let your guard down, honey - those far-left activists are everywhere".

Concern

Heartfelt Emotion

Con-sern

Serious regret and throbbing, priapic joy caused by the prospect of potential damage to institutions or individuals one hates and wishes to destroy.

Spam-throttling masturbatory ecstasy, characterised by wild outbursts of cheering, whooping and the immediate formation of furious circle-jerks.

When my friends and I heard that a gaggle of hideous right-wing bastards had slung together a pissweak smear campaign against Amnesty International, we were extremely concerned, twice.

Civilians

Surprisingly Fluid Military Status

Non-combatant persons against whom it is expressly forbidden to take military action, unless [Insert today's tissue-thin, exculpatory rationalisation].

Civilians are the infantry of The Greatest Intellectual Struggle Of Our Time (TGISOOT), and should thus be spent wisely.

Civilians killed in TGISOOT fall into five categories -

a) Innocent civilians - generally us, or any non-military personnel killed by them;

b) Regrettable deaths - Persons located within a fifty-meter radius of a terrorist, tragically obliterated in a surgical strike, for which the terrorist is responsible.

Civilians whom democrats take the greatest care to avoid harming while deliberately bombing them.

Also known as Human Shields - persons located within a fifty-meter radius of a terrorist, thus shielding Decents from having to think too much about the humanity of said persons while they are being bombed by Democrats.

c) Invisible civilians - Persons allegedly killed by Democrats, as reported by the Academic/Media Complex in order to make civilised nations look bad. Thousands of putative people who probably never existed, having possibly been entirely invented by the Red Cross or The Lancet, for whose likely fictional "deaths" terrorists are responsible.

d) Jihadist civilians - Alleged civilians who were probably terrorists anyway, who were thus asking to be blown to smithereens, for whose wholly-justified deaths terrorists are responsible, and

e) The little children - minors who have been bombed and are subsequently photographed while being kissed better by military doctors, before they are sent back home to be bombed all over again, for which terrorists bear responsibility.

See also, Al-Qaedification, Terrorism-By-Proxy, Terrorists Are Bad.

(Cough, Cough, Mumble)

Rhetorical Ploy

Koff-Koff Mumm-bal

The intermediate stage in the typical tripartite Decent foreign policy initiative, book-ended by the initial confrontation of fascism and the final democratisation of tyrannies endgame, leading to yet another giant forward step in the march of liberty. (See also, magical ponies.)

Worryingly flimsy rhetorical plywood bridging the yawning chasm that separates the moral imperative from the positive policy outcome.

"Friends, it is vital to the future of peace in the region that we support the Iraqi Trade Unions, while glossing over their continued opposition to the American occupation. We must continue to show solidarity with their cause until... (Cough, Cough, Mumble) ... at which point the Iraqi people will finally defeat Islamist obscurantism and tyranny."

(Cheers, cries of "Hooray for democracy!")

"Indeed, I say to you that now is also the time to stand up to the tyrants of the Chinese Communist Party!"

(Wild applause, Hoo-ah!s)

"And not only that, but all nations must boycott the forthcoming Beijing Olympic Games, thus forcing the Chinese authorities to... (Cough, Mumble, Cough) ... a free Tibet and a democratic China! Hallelujah, brothers and sisters!"

(Hysteria, palpatations, speaking in tongues)

Alternatively, the Jurassic Park Fallacy, after the laughable 1990 Michael Crichton novel and subsequent film, in which idealistic scientists somehow manage to create viable dinosaurs from some DNA and some damn fresh air.

Tibet

Nation

Tih-Bett

Oppressed, occupied Asian nation whose mere existence is evidence of the righteousness of Decency and the spectacular villainy of Anti-Imperialism.

Political football repeatedly blasted into an open goal by gaggles of Muscular Liberals stating that no useful idiot has ever, in the history of political discourse, raised any objection to the Chinese repression of the Tibetan people.*

The ultimate whatabout, effortlessly annihilating all ideological foes, Tibet is the cruise missile of political discussion, laying waste to all suspicious arguments leaving the Muscular Liberal standing alone at the very summit of the moral high-ground.

*Unlike Decents, who can rarely be prevailed upon to stop discussing the plight of the Tibetan people and engaging in political activism to ameliorate their condition.

"I don't expect the Israelis to sit on their hands while rockets are landing on their cities, but after forty years of massive retaliation I don't think missile strikes -"

"Tibet!"

"What?"

"Tibet! Tibet! Tibet!"

"Excuse me? What has that-"

"Tibet! Tibet! Ha ha, no answer for that, eh, stopper? You all saw that - he doesn't care about the suffering of the Tibetan people, but he's obsessed with Israel! Suspicious, the way he singles out the Jews, eh? Why don't you take your racist hatred somewhere else, you disgusting bigot?"

"But I-"

"Shut up, fascist - your agenda has been exposed."

See also WWGD?, Catalogue of Contempt, Will-You-Condemn-A-Thon.

Alternative Iraq

Psychological Construct

Awl-Terr-Nah-Tiv Ih-Rak

Diabolical, imaginary country not liberated by the Republicans, in which the daily horrors and atrocities are so vicious, extreme and barbaric that it makes the real misery of actually existing Iraqis look like a three-ring circus replete with clowns, jolly music and popcorn.

A hellish land existing entirely within a parallel universe, invoked to scold realists and pro-fascists for their maniacal desire to retrospectively subject Alternative Iraqis to hideous, agonising, and entirely fictional deaths for political purposes.

Details are sketchy, but one imagines that Alternative Iraq is a collossal inferno where the inhabitants are chained to ravenous bears and the tabouleh is booby-trapped with spring-loaded jars of pissed-off tarantulas and scorpions.

Further, it seems likely that the football pitches writhe with poisonous asps, the markets throng with troops of sexually enraged baboons and one cannot so much as bend over to pick up a coin in the street without being badly gored in the anus by a disgruntled rhinoceros.

"Given the horrific slaughter that has resulted from the invasion of Iraq, it would seem that it was unwise to trust the Republicans, and that the doctrine of liberal intervention must be subjected to a thoroughgoing and rigorous audit process to determine why it failed."

"You anti-imperialist lefties disgust me, with your blatant, cold-hearted disregard for the lives of Alternative Iraqis. However horribly the fascists, Ba-athists and jihadists have disfigured Iraq, there can be no doubt that it is better than what would have happened if we had not intervened."

Disambiguation - Alternative Iraq should not be confused with Iraq, a land existing in a parallel universe in which fictional Mesopotamian men of peace conduct an entirely non-sectarian conflict against a generalised concept of evil, as embodied by non-Iraqi terrorists, via the endeavours of selfless Republicans and a largely illusory Iraqi Army.

See also Iranian Bus Drivers, Iraqi Political Football, Ghost Dance of Geras,

Choice

Rhetoric

Choyss

1. Absolute freedom of action and moral agency available to fascists.

2. Absolute freedom of action and moral agency seldom, if ever, available to democrats.

"After the initial terrorist attacks, we had no choice other than to use minimum force to counter the threat."

"Pardon me, General, but it says here you bombed the airport, the petrol stations, the factories, the highways, the supermarkets, shops, bakeries, sea ports... In fact, you appear to have bombed practically everything except for the terrorists themselves."

"Exactly - it was an appalling act of terrorism-by-proxy, for which the terrorists bear ultimate responsibility."

Higher Standards

Rhetorical Ploy

Hy-Yer Stahn-Darrdz

Craftly rhetorical wriggle for excusing the departures from universal principles of nations basking in the warm glow of Decent affections.

The same standards.

Legal restrictions requiring nations to minimise civilian casualties while Al-Qaedifying cities in acts of self-defence, which theoretically apply to democrats, sometimes.

Exculpatory gambit used to cast suspicion upon the motives of any person with the audacity to suggest that civilised nations should not bomb heavily populated urban areas, even if terrorists are bad.

"The massive bombardment of Beirut's most heavily populated areas and the deliberate destruction of civilian infrastructure including roads, shops, petrol stations, factories, ports and airport runways, amongst many others, were clear violations of international laws and war crimes."

"How ridiculous - I object to your obsessive singling-out of Israel. Why should this one, tiny state be held to higher standards than everybody else?"

Nothing

Rhetorical Ploy

Nuh-Thing

The preferred foreign policy choice of pointy-headed liberal academics, who would far rather sneer in disdain at the victims of tyranny than support an intervention.

Doing nothing is the knee-jerk response to tyranny of those who lack the basic humanity to back massive aerial bombing campaigns to liberate the oppressed, the interminable occupation of their country and the selling of their natural resources to ones business associates at super-bonanza knock-down prices.

"Why are you so determined to extend Saddam's reign of terror? 600,000 Rwandans died because people like you did nothing."

Rhetorical Inflation

Argumentative Gambit

Reh-Taw-Rick-Kal Inn-Flay-Shun

Despicable tactic employed by self-hating liberal relativists and Humanitarian NGOs, whereby the severity of an event, policy or group of people are exaggerated beyond all recognition for political purposes.

Commonly used when discussing the Departures From Universal Principles of civilised nations, this ploy is used to inculcate fear and outrage in the audience, rendering them pliable and accepting of extreme views.

Unfortunately, this tactic plays right into the hands goose-stepping Islamist fascists, who love nothing more than settling down in front of the television with nibbles to laugh in celebration at such foolishness. In propagandising for the vanguard of modern Nazism, thus do the bruschetta-munching useful idiots lay the ground work for a billion-strong army of Islamic stormtroopers to enslave the entire planet under the thousand-year rule of a totalitarian Caliphate.

Amnesty International Spokesman - "By suspending the right of prisoners to hear evidence presented against them, the American government is fatally undermining its own moral authority and damaging its ability to pressurise authoritarian states for their human rights violations."

Bearded Jihadists - "Bwa-ha-ha-ha! Pass the Doritos, Hassan, for tonight we dine upon the spicy salsa of enlightenment values!"

Updated - Racism

Noun

Ray-Sizz-Zum

1. Anti-Semitism.

2. Bullshit accusations employed by Ken Livingstone and his cackling horde of gremlins and familiars, used to assail and smear wide-eyed, honest Decents while shitting smouldering brimstone all over the streets of London.

Dishonest, cowardly tactic used in bad faith to deflect deserved criticism by mendacious, deceitful persons.

"Frankly, I think that the financial irregularities Livingstone has presided over look a bit dodgy, and he has questions to answer."

"Why are you singling out Ken, eh? Whatabout all those other cases of corruption in the Labour Party... Cash For Honours, Lord Levy, Wendy Alexander - Will-You-Condemn them too? I find this obsession with Ken a bit suspicious."

"Who, me? But surely it's reasonable to ask -"

"Looks like a case of naked racism to me - why should Ken be held to a higher standard? You seem to be hinting at some Well-Funded Kennite plot to dominate the Earth through a network of Socialist space satellite lasers."

"But-"

"Frankly, your obvious anti-Ken agenda is just grievance mongering driven by hatred, and is indicative of the rampant racism that is so prevalent in the Decent Left these days. I'm disgusted."

The Aaronovitch Dodge

Twinkle-Toed Argumentative Evasion

Thee Ay-Rawn-Noh-Vitch Doj

Two-part rhetorical ploy and moral blank cheque first employed by the nimble Decent journalist David Aaronovitch to skip past defenders.

Faced with an opponent, one first misdirects him or her by announcing that any person who refuses to support certain ill-conceived foreign policy adventures will bear moral responsibility for future deaths.

Having bedazzled slow-footed opponents, one then swiftly changes direction by announcing that those who supported said foreign policy clusterfucks bear no moral responsibility for the consequences thereof.

Correctly employed, this devastating rhetorical swerve leaves opponents dumbstruck at your audacity, while you bask in a zen-like state of absolute moral perfection, forever protected from the need to face certain unpleasant conclusions.

"But surely, Mr. Aaronovitch, your committed support for the invasion of Iraq was of great use to the British government at a time when it was having difficulties convincing the public of the case for war. By articulating and advocating the government's case with such care and deliberation, surely you bear some responsibility for the chaos and mayhem that resulted."

"I don't know nothing, mate - a big Fascist did it and ran away... It was like that when I got here. My Islamist dog ate it... It just broke itself, I never touched it... Oh, look, are those Iranian Bus Drivers?"

See also Terrorists Are Bad, Terrorism-By-Proxy, Departure From Universal Principles, Failures in the Reconstruction Process, Mea Culpa Sed Tu Quoque Ad Maximum.

Nobody Could've Predicted

Rhetorical Ploy

Noh-Baw-Day Coo-Duv Preh-Dick-Ted

Risky yet potentially fruitful rhetorical gambit, whereby one asserts that the failures of certain foreign policy clusterfucks have been caused by astonishing, unforseeable acts of barbarity and random chance.

Amazing, utterly unprecedented occurrences that can be cited include -

Who would've thought that a modern military force could be stalemated by a committed insurgency? I mean, has this ever happened before?

Nobody could've predicted that demolishing a nation's civil structure would lead to lawlessness and looting...

I'm dumbfounded that an invasion and occupation of a country by a superpower would be met with foreign interference. It's totally unprecedented.

Jesus, if you'd told me five years ago that the Republicans would pack the CPA with clueless partisans and use the war as an excuse to loot the Federal Treasury, I would've called you a fascist and a twat... It's just unbelievable.

I could never have guessed that the US would respond to an invisible insurgency with brutal, overwhelming acts of demonstrative violence - I don't want to think about it too hard now, in case my wife has to wipe my exploded brains off my monitor.

These rhetorical gambits are useful when adressing the slow-witted, but may founder if accidentally presented to a pro-fascist familiar with the history of Vietnam or Afghanistan.

If caught out, immediately switch topic to the plight of Iranian Bus Drivers.

If pressed, it may be necessary to concede ground - see Mea Culpa Sed Tu Quoque Ad Maximum.

Moderate

Rhetoric

Maw-Deh-Rut

1. Person prepared to throw him or herself to the floor, abjectly begging forgiveness for his or her personal failings, religious and political beliefs, habits, friends and acquaintances.

Someone who accepts that he or she is entirely wrong and is willing to apologise for the manifest crimes of his or her entire political, religious or ethnic group, to whom one can thus reach out.

"What can we do when there are so few moderates with whom to engage?"

Mainstream Liberal Culture

Rhetoric

Mane-Streem Lih-Beh-Rall Kult-Yer

Odious hosepipe of hateful propaganda, urinating a thick stream of relativist bile into the eyes and ears of the hard-working, honest people of Britain.

Commonly associated with Hollywood, but in reality championed by the brie-eating liberal intelligentsia and ivory-tower elitists of the BBC.

"...so consistent was the pro-Islamist party line in the BBC's drama it seemed as if a politburo had taken control of the arts department."- Nick Cohen

Sample schedule - BBC1

6.00 Robin Hood

Pro-Jihadist re-imagining of the traditional legend, in which Osama and his Merry Islamists fight bravely against a thinly-veiled Tony Blair, as played by a short, fat, bald Keith Allen. This foul slice of terrorist-promoting light-entertainment repeatedly penetrates the eyes of innocent British children nationwide, spurting great wads of disease-ridden filth into their fragile little minds. With Minnie Driver. Producer Nigel Gurning-Twitte

7.00 Spooks

Racist drama chronicling the struggle of the intelligence services to expose the megalomaniacal schemes of a secret clan of demonic Jewish space-lizards from Saturn. German subtitles available in some areas, press red for extra Protocols. Producer Lavrenty O'Toole

8.00 Movie Premiere

Honey, I Wilfully Blinded Myself To The Urgent Threat Of Islamist Fascism (2005)

Fantastical action movie, starring Bruce Willis as a hard-bitten New York cop who must battle a thousand-strong band of fanatical terrorists from England, Germany, America, Russia, Australia, Mexico, Israel, Italy and Spain. Not a Muslim amongst them, of course, which is typical of the mealy-mouthed appeasers of Hollywood. Honestly, do you remember Delta Force? Proper bad guys, then, all swarthy and filled with genocidal bloodlust... That scene where Chuck Norris blasts that Palestinian with his motorbike's built-in grenade launchers, I was stiff as a rolling pin, I can tell you. But you don't get proper films like that these days, do you? No, it's all bending-over-backwards-to-avoid-offending-the-Muslim-fascists, isn't it? Bastards.

Also starring Jean Reno and Antonio Banderas as non-Islamic terrorists 1 and 2.

10.00 News

Daily litany of false accusations about the legitimate security operations of western nations. With Fiona Bruce.

10.30 Question Time

Hillary Benn and the American ambassador face hate-filled tirades from a jeering mob of liberal scum, while John Humphries and George Galloway fight to be first to lick the hot, salty tears of sorrow from their honest, trusting faces. Producer Tarquin Pierrepont

11.00 Fahrenheit 9/11

12.30 24

04:00 - With the clock ticking on an ebola-stuffed nuclear bomb, Jack is forced to take radical measures against an injured prisoner by shoving his arm down the suspect's throat and pulling his arsehole out of his nose. President Palmer faces a dilemma as he decides whether to accede to the terrorists' demands or to push a corkscrew into Mahmoud's eye really slowly. Meanwhile, Kim is menaced by a slightly annoyed cougar while sporting a truly sensational cleavage. Contains scenes of masturbatory violence, torture and sadism, although curiously, no strong language. Those crazy Americans, eh?

Now, that's more like it.

------------------------------------------------

See also ...

Screens that flicker and fail to challenge

Post-script to the new edition of What's Left?

The Bien-Pensant Robin Hood

...and many, many others.