Ghost Dance of Geras

Mystical Voodoo Power

Spiritual invocation of the power of positive thought, the Ghost Dance of Geras became a common religious ritual on Decent websites from early 2005 onwards.

The practice involves chanting and incantation, as a gaggle of Eustonauts exhort each other to ever-more ecstatic declarations of loyalty to the doctrine of liberal interventionism, in the irrational belief that the power of faith will eradicate terrorism from the Middle East.

Named after the custom of 1890's Native American tribes, who would exhort each other to ever-more ecstatic declarations of loyalty to the spirits of their ancestors, who they hoped would return to eradicate the white man from North America.

"I confess that I did not forsee that the invasion would be met with such brutal terrorism by nihilists, hey-ya hawa hey-ya haw, but I still believe it was the right thing to do, hey-ya hawa hey-ya-ya..."

"I agree, Brownie-ya-ya hey-ya hawa, nobody could have forseen such nihilistic barbarity, hey-ya hawa hey-ya-ya, but that does not invalidate the goal of overthrowing a fascist dictator."

To date, both spiritual movements have had comparable rates of success.

See also Decent Tardis, Decent Telepathy

Decent Darts

Rhetorical Ploy

Dee-Sint Dahrts

Argumentative technique whereby one concedes that there are honourable arguments for opposing Decent foreign policy goals, while furiously flinging sticky swastikas at any person impertinent enough to actually make them.

See also Whatabout, Will-You-Condem-A-Thon, Decent Debating Technique, Emotathlon

Moral Dilemma

Rhetorical Ploy

Maw-Rall Dy-Leh-Mah

Weighty question of right and wrong, causing one to ponder deeply upon the evidence at hand and evaluate all possible outcomes of one's decision before opting to join the side with the coolest gang.

"I thought long and hard over the moral dilemma of the Iraq invasion - could we trust the honesty of the Bush administration; would the creation of a liberal democracy justify short-term violence and anarchy, and would it be right to roll the dice of liberal intervention when the stake was not our lives, but those of the Iraqi people?

Then I saw George Galloway on TV and immediately gave my support to Iraqi democrats... I guess you could say I had an epiphany."

Decent TARDIS

Time And Revisionist Decency In Space

Dee-Sint Tahr-Diss

Mysterious time-travel device, the use of which allows one to change the very fabric of reality itself.

Useful for re-ordering the course of history to influence the present, thus resulting in swiftly altering rationales for certain foreign-policy disasters and Cold War bloodbaths.

"What the hell do you mean, we invaded Iraq to create an arc of democracy across the Middle East? I seem to remember some bullshit about mushroom clouds and remote-controlled planes dropping anthrax on Topeka..."

"Just a moment..." (Dashes off - Loud, rhythmic groaning sound of rip in space/time continuum, Returns)

"Now, what were you saying?"

"I was saying, whatever George Bush's faults, he's always been open about pushing for Middle Eastern democracy..."

See also Decent Telepathy, Decent Taxi.

Euston Manifesto

A Proclamation of Decency

Yoo-Stun Mah-Nih-Fess-Toh

Declarative document announcing a clean break with the prejudices, hypocrisies and double-standards of the old Left and their replacement by a set of entirely new ones.

Established a movement in favour of democracy, human rights and freedom, and against moral equivalence, the meaning of such terms being defined entirely by the authors and subject to alteration at any time, without prior notification.

The Manifesto specifically stands against racism (i.e. anti-semitism), anti-Americanism (i.e. criticism of the Republicans), terrorism (as defined by the authors) and advocates a new internationalism (see also, bombing).

It stands for free speech and the free exchange of ideas, and also condemns torture and extraordinary rendition by Us as a departure from universal principles.

No attempts to understand Them are permitted, and any deviation from this rule will be met with instantaneous expulsion from the Party.

Additionally, any Decent caught picking over the rubble of Iraq will be harshly dealt with.

See also Nick Cohen, Alan Johnson, Norman Geras

Alan Johnson

Person, Polymath

Ah-Lahn Jonn-Sun

Labour MP and Secretary of State for Health, Alan Johnson still finds time in his busy schedule to edit and contribute to Decent website Democratiya while denouncing the Academic/Media Complex.

Although he has been capped 18 times for Scotland, his footballing career suffered a serious setback in 2007 when he was kidnapped by Palestinian militants who held him hostage for almost four months.

He was freed after one of his captors, while surfing the internet, chanced upon examples of his eloquent, emotive prose and clips of his clinical finishing in the penalty box.

"Let it be known that Alan Johnson is a friend of the Palestinian people. Allah surely smiles upon a man who could score such a hat-trick against Rangers at Ibrox, especially during the Gascoine-Laudrup era."

- Statement of Army of Islam proclaiming his release, June 2007

Uday And Qusay

Rhetorical Ploy

Oo-Day And Koo-Say

Despicable sons of Saddam and useful device for the deflection of questions about the Eapons-Way of Ass-May Estruction-Day.

See also Whatabout?

Victory

Noun

Vick-Toh-Ray

The inevitable consequence of bombing and surgical strikes - the act of failing to achieve one's tactical and strategic goals, while leaving the enemy in complete control of the battlefield.

"How can 500 dead Hezbollah terrorists be anything other than a victory?"

"Don't be so stupid - the Iraq war was a storming victory for the Coalition forces. The current conflict is a fight against fascism, and is completely unrelated to the liberation."

Demonstrator

Noun

Deh-Mon-Stray-Torr

1. Foreigner - Heroic person exercising his or her right to march in protest against the policies of the state, thus showing a deeply noble desire for representation.

2. British - Childish affectation of effete Hampstead liberals exercising their puerile rebellion against their mums and dads, thus showing a deeply suspicous unseriousness.

See also Brian Haw-Haw, What's Left?

George Galloway

Person, Spearhead of Modern Fascism

Jorj Gallow-Way

1. Pathetic figure of national derision, whose comical stylings and clowning pratfalls have made him a laughing stock.

Ludicrous Parliamentarian, whose every pronouncement is greeted with gales of uproarious mockery, as Decents shriek "Nurse, my sides!" and other such witticisms.

2. Sinister uber-Nazi, whose Pro-fascist advocacy is a terrible threat to the very fabric of Western Civilisation.

Saddam-loving leader of the Red-Brown Brotherhood, Galloway works to subvert the democratic process in the interests of fascists, for whose eventual victory he devotes his every breath. Advocate of the cause of Arab supremacy, into which he pours his malice, his cruelty and his will to dominate all life.

Subject of the Fifteen Years' Hate, an ongoing ritual whereby Decents are given free licence to curse, spit, shriek, scream, rend their garments and tear their hair in visceral rage at his image.

See also, Agenda, Appeasement, Gloating, Grievance Mongering, Hitler, Islamophobia, Lessons of History, Moral Equivalence, Obsession, Singled Out, Suspicious, Understand, Unserious, Useful Idiot.

Vietnam

Country

Vee-Yet-Nahm

1. (pre-August 2007) South-East Asian nation with a chequered military history that is of no relevance whatever to any modern conflict.

See also Anti-Totalitarianism by Oliver Kamm, which notes that nothing of any interest to the Left occurred between the appeasement of Hitler in the 1930s and CND's coddling of Russian tyranny in the 1980s.

2. (Post-August 2007) - South-East Asian country in which millions were killed because the USA did not stay the course or commit sufficient resources to a war of attrition.

Unpleasant conflict halted by anti-war protesters and the Media, showing their immense thirst for appeasement and genocide.

3. (As of 26th August 2007) South-East Asian nation declared by Comrade Hitchens to be of no relevance whatever to any modern conflict.

"...as I ask myself not for the first time if Mr Bush suffers from some sort of political death wish, I quickly restate the reasons why he is wrong to join with his most venomous and ignorant critics in making this case (for Vietnam/Iraq comparisons).

1) Hitler.

2) Terrorists Are Bad.

3) The Lessons of History.

4) Eapons-way of Ass-may Estruction-day.

I cannot believe that an reasonable person could examine this evidence and maintain such lugubrious moral idiocy etc. ad nauseam..."

See also Useful Idiot, Pacifism, Victory.

Decent Debating Technique

Mystical Voodoo Power

Dee-Sent Dee-Bay-Ting-Tek-Neek

Argumentative Martial Art by which Decents wage war, thus laying devastation to their opponents.

Sophisticated tripartite argumentative tool that initially requires debaters to jump through Harry's Hoops, before subjecting them to a rigorous Will-You-Condemn-A-Thon.

Any surviving opponents are generally dispatched by an extended session of Whatabout?, although it should be noted that any and all interlocutors with persons using the Decent Debating Technique can, at any moment, be declared pro-fascist through the use of Decent Telepathy.

Harry's Hoops

Rhetorical Ploy

Hah-Rayz Hoop-Z

Preliminary stage of the Decent Debating Technique.

Complex and often invisible linguistic assault-course one must traverse before one's opinions are accepted by Decents as untainted by overt pro-fascism.

"Okay, I think that killing civilians is bad - I accept Israel's right to defend itself, and I believe that Islamism is a nasty and reactionary doctrine. Now, can we talk honestly about the bombing of Lebanon?"

"Not so fast, pal - you may have jumped through Harry's Hoops pretty smartly, but we've yet to see the results of the Will-You-Condemn-A-Thon."

Named after Decent internet blog Harry's Place, which was named after founder Harry Hatchet, who was in turn named after the famous Sham 69 song Hurry Up And Bomb Iraq, Harry.

Epiphany

Noun

Ee-Piff-Fann-Ay

A moment of great and profound revelation, in which one realises that it is far more satisfying to externalise one's idiotic, self-loathing hatred of the West into idiotic Muslim-baiting hatred of the East.

The instant in which an idiot recognises his or her huge, honking stupidity and is magically transformed into a very, very clever person indeed.

Often results in the penning of atrociously dull books explaining how one's new ideas have been callously mocked by bruschetta-munching Hampstead liberals, whose utter derision shows their craven, Gestapo-esque love for leather, leaving Decent Observer columnists to seethe at their own frustrated impotence.

"Having spent my life espousing stupid Left-wing ideas, nobody was more surprised than I when the horror of 9/11 caused me to begin espousing stupid Right-wing ideas. I guess you could say I had an epiphany."

See also, Andrew Anthony, Nick Cohen, What's Left?, Bernard Goldberg, American Right-Wing Culture War

Islamophobia

Rhetorical Ploy

Iss-Lahm-Oh-Foh-Bay-Yah

Largely imaginary concept invented by Muslim bastards, holding that Britain has been swamped by a tidal wave of anti-Islamic hatred and hostility.

Despicable rhetorical ploy used by grievance mongers to distract attention from far more important issues, such as the tidal wave of anti-semitic hatred and hostility that has swamped Britain.

External sources - "Why Do These Muslim Bastards Keep Calling Me 'Islamophobic'?"

Saint Anthony of Good Faith

Historical Figure, Decent Martyr

British Prime Minister, 1997-2007

Heroic campaigner for justice, Saint Anthony of Good Faith struggled righteously for the traditional socialist goals of privatisation and war, before becoming the first Decent to be publicly martyred.

Barricaded inside 10 Downing Street, Saint Anthony was an almost powerless figure for most of his Premiership, struggling against an all-powerful elite of Bruschetta-munching Hampstead Liberals and pro-fascists to bring freedom, justice and anarchy to the Middle-East.

Despite the overwhelming forces arrayed against him, Saint Anthony somehow managed to liberate Iraq, loyally helping his ally President George W. Bush to dictate the rate at which the Iraqis would sell their natural resources to his business associates at super-bonanza knock-down prices.

Famous for his parables -

"I can apologise for bringing anarchy to the Middle-East, but I cannot apologise for removing a fascist dictator,"

"My actions may have contributed to an uncountable death-toll, but I did it in good faith,"

"I feel no shame for my complicity in the bombing campaign against Beirut, for truly, Terrorists Are Bad."

Facing an unstoppable tide of latte-sipping pro-fascists, Saint Anthony was taken from the houses of Parliament and crucified in 2007 - his last words, "Forgive them, Lord, for they know not that I am a pretty straight kind of guy," will outlast him, and his glorious legacy will be seen in the stable democracies that he helped establish.

Do not see also, Useful Idiot.

Brian Haw-Haw

Person

Pro-Fascist Anti-War Campaigner

Smelly hippy and useful idiot, Brian Haw-Haw has broadcast his pro-fascist propaganda from his camp in Parliament Square for much of the last six years.

Like much of the anti-war Left, his failure to grasp the fact that Terrorists Are Bad has caused him to verbally attack Saint Anthony of Good Faith and to offend Decent Parliamentarians with his silly placards about dead Iraqis.

Beloved figure of latte-sipping, bruschetta-munching Hampstead Liberals, who congregate in snooty galleries to view his simplistic sloganeering, before gang-pissing on photographs of Iraqi Democrats and howling ululations for the Islamification of Britain, leaving Decent Observer journalists to seethe at their own frustrated impotence.

See also, What's Left?, Nick Cohen

Moral Determinism

Rhetorical Ploy

Maw-Rull Dee-Terr-Min-Izum

Philosophical position of pro-fascists, used for understanding the causes of terrorism.

The belief that responsibility for an action is is held not by its immediate perpetrator, but entirely by actors earlier in the causal chain.

"You bastard, you left all the windows and doors of my house open and tipped off Jimmy Nightstick that I was away. Now all my stuff's been nicked!"

"That sounds like moral determinism to me. Do you believe that Jimmy Nightstick is not an autonomous moral agent, but a mere automaton whose actions are the inevitable, unconscious consequences of mine? Well, if you think he's such an idiot I suggest you tell him so - here he comes now. By the way, I told him you shagged his wife."

See also Terrorists Are Bad, Failures In The Reconstruction Process, If-It-Hadn't-Been-For-You-Darn-Meddling-Kids.

Unserious

Adjective

Uhn-See-Ree-Uss

1. Heretical deviance from the tenets of Decency.

2. Offering only conditional support for bombing.

"I see no need to engage with unserious debaters. Back on-topic - first, we should hit Tehran with surgical strikes."

Gloating

Adjective, Noun

Glow-Ting

Pro-fascist tactic of mentioning certain foreign-policy mishaps.

"Iraq is a nightmarish sectarian bloodbath, and here you are gloating over the carnage. Have you no shame?"

See also Victory.

Iranian Bus Drivers

Trade Union

Ih-Ray-Nay-Yan Buss Dry-Verz

Oppressed workers' group ostentatiously supported by Decency, while simultaneously advocating their immediate bombing and liberation.

Convenient cause by which one may show off one's leftist opinions, thus deflecting accusations of Wingnuttery.

"All Socialists should stand in solidarity with the Iranian Bus Drivers and support the overthrow of the fascist regime that oppresses them."

Failures In The Reconstruction Process

Rhetorical Ploy

Fayl-Yurz Inn Thee Ree-Kon-Struck-Shun Prow-Sess

Argumentative device whereby one attacks the catastrophic blunders of one's ally, despite having spent five years playing down their severity.

Ploy for those with their eyes on the prize, holding that one's policies cannot have failed because they were wildly unrealistic or contingent upon basic fallacies, but have been undermined by one's ally's failure to invade on a Tuesday instead.

Decent equivalent of "Communism has never worked because it has never been tried."

"The disorder in Iraq stems directly from failures in the reconstruction process. In retrospect, I admit that painting those Iraqi schools beige was a collossal mistake - had they been painted green from the outset, Iraq would be well on the way to becoming a stable democracy."

See also Terrorists Are Bad, Victory.

Hitler

Historical Figure

German dictator, 1889-Present

1. Chancellor of the Third Reich and notorious war criminal, Hitler was the architect of World War II and the Holocaust.

2. Perennial menace whose malevolent spirit infects all political figures opposed to the goals of Decency, to varying degrees.

The extent of Hitlerification is open to individual discretion and is reckoned by complex arithmetical formulas - Osama Bin Laden, for instance, rates at almost 2000 mega-Fuhrers (Click chart to enlarge).

See also Hugo Chavez, Vladimir Putin, Saddam Hussein, Seumas Milne, Gamal Abdel Nasser, Moqtada Al-Sadr, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Noam Chomsky, Bashar Al-Assad, Yasser Arafat, Osama Bin Laden, Ken Livingstone, Ismail Haniyeh, Fidel Castro, Harold Pinter, Hassan Nasrallah, Slobodan Milosevic, Johann Hari and 14,320 others.*

3. Argumentative device whereby Hitler is invoked as a free-standing justification and moral blank cheque for bombing, most commonly expressed as The Lessons of History.

Also, the Do-You-Think-Hitler ploy, often used to discount humanitarian concerns about the bombing of military targets.

"Do-You-Think-Hitler worried about the rule of law when he decided to invade Poland?"

*Update - 14,479 others.

See also History.

Understand

Verb

Uhn-Derr-Stahnd

Term used by pro-fascists in conjunction with terrorism.

Synonyms: Minimise, Condone, Excuse, Justify, Sympathise with, Advocate, Endorse, Support, Promote, Be enamoured of, Mbunderstand.

Antonyms: Comprehend, Explain, Examine, Analyse, Contemplate, Oppose

"So, Jenny Tonge understands terrorists, does she? That wishy-washy, relativist attitude sickens me - somebody should drive a car bomb into her house."

Moral Equivalence

Noun

Maw-Rahl Eh-Kwih-Vah-Lense

The foolish belief that atrocities are wrong, even when committed by Democrats.

Poetically addressed by the Euston Manifesto in April, 2006 -

"We hold that things which are worse than other things are worse than those other things than which they are worse."

Such singling-out of Democrats' atrocities is inherently suspicious, most especially because Terrorists Are Bad.

What's Left?

Literature

Hilarious knock-about travelogue, describing journalist Nick Cohen's journeys through the dining rooms of Britain's chattering classes, with comical and often sexy results.

Written as high farce, Cohen recounts his pratfalls and japes at a series of Liberal Dinner Parties, where the easy equivalence flows like spunky Nesquik as braying relativists hold black mass in honour of Saddam Hussein, leaving the Decent Observer columnist to seethe at his own frustrated impotence.

Cohen's humourless, self-righteous personality is milked for maximum comical effect, as his stern exhortations to support his personal quest against evil are thwarted by moments of Chaplin-esque slapstick.

"I awoke on the morning of February 15th," I said, fixing them with a glare to silence their gormless tittering, "only to find that, rather than stand in solidarity with their oppressed Iraqi brothers and sisters, hundreds of thousands of Britons had chosen to march in support of a fascist regime."

"What tradition of the Left would - yes, what is it Mary?" I snapped abruptly at a dreadlocked Guardianista, her apparel a testament to her lifelong quest for predictable, childish rebellion.

"Sorry Nick, but your trousers have fallen down!"

Giggles erupted, and I looked down to discover that she was right. I raised my head to give voice to my immense shame and there, horror of horrors, stood the vicar.

"COHEN!", he thundered, purple with rage, "DO YOU HAVE ANY EXPLANATION FOR THIS UNSPEAKABLE OUTRAGE?!"

"Christing bollocks," I muttered...

(Extract from What's Left?, p.132, Doubleday Publications 2007)

See also Mainstream Liberal Culture

United Nations

Representative Body

Yew-Nite-Ed Nay-Shuns

1. Morally bankrupt institution packed with relativists, pro-fascists and fascists - a pack of Nazis singing Horst Wessel Lied while bowing reverentially before the threats of the Islamic World.

The Ghost of the League of Nations, sitting crowned upon the grave thereof.

2. Morally unimpeachable body representing the opinion of the democratic world, especially when voting through UN General Assembly Resolution 181 and UN General Assembly Resolution 1441.

See also France, Russia.

Lessons Of History

Rhetorical Ploy

Leh-Suns Ov Hiss-Torr-Ay

Argumentative technique and moral blank cheque whereby one invokes the Nazis as a freestanding justification for war and the bombing of military targets.

"What will it take for you appeasers to learn the Lessons of History? Of course we should liberate Iraq - you useful idiots would've been attacking Churchill in 1938, wouldn't you?"

See also Whatabout?, Will-You-Condemn-A-Thon, Terrorists Are Bad, Hitler

Useful Idiot

Noun

Yewce-Fool Idd-Ay-Yott

Foolish person who acts as an unpaid propagandist for the interests of a foreign political party, while deliberately undermining the interests of his or her own country.

See also Moral Courage, Republican.

Moral Courage

Mystical Voodoo Power

Maw-Rull Cuh-Ridj

1. Selfless, heroic commitment to supporting the dominant political consensus of the ruling elites of the world's most powerful nations.

2. Selfless, heroic advocation of sending other people to liberate dictatorships, while pouring bile and venom over appeasers and pro-fascists.

3. Selfless, heroic commitment to offending one's intellectual constituency using obscure adjectives such as "lugubrious" and "semi-envious".

"Mr. Hitchens' decision to defend the foreign-policy aims of the Republican Party on FOX News was a tremendous act of moral courage."

Mea Culpa Sed Tu Quoque Ad Maximum

Rhetorical Ploy

May-Yah Kool-Pah Sed Too Kwo-Kway Add Max-Ih-Mum

Idiotically ungrammatical Latin bastardisation, roughly "I may be guilty, but you are considerably more guilty."

Handy, highly conditional argumentative tool used to disguise the fact that your heartfelt apology is merely the same argument you've been making for years, with deeply insincere bells on.

"Had I foreseen a failure of this magnitude, I would have withheld my support. Even then, I would not have been able to bring myself to oppose the war...

...nothing on earth could have induced me to march or otherwise campaign for a course of action that would have saved the Baathist regime. But I would have stood aside."

See also Nobody Could've Predicted, Terrorists Are Bad; I May Have Been Wrong But You, Sir, Are a Cunt; Victory, Norman Geras

The Lift

Mechanical Device

It's one of the most commonly asked questions in modern politics, but one that is worth revisiting often - whatever happened to the Lift?

While the nation has changed radically due to globalisation, privatisation and streamlined capitalism, the Lift has been unable to advance. It remains trapped, capable of rising and falling, but never of going forward.

The problem is plain to see - the Lift lacks inclusiveness, with little room for manoeuvre within its narrow confines. One could wait expectantly for decades for an innovative suggestion, but the Lift has nothing to offer but the same simplistic formulations that it has offered since Attlee was a boy.

If anyone had been doubtful of the Lift's irrelevance, its abject indifference to the rise of radical Islamism surely confirmed our most dire suspicions. While thousands perished at the hands of totalitarians, the Lift remained stuck between floors, mindful only of the need for maintenance.

So, what can be done to reinvigorate the Lift?

The answer can only come from the Lift itself, and the prognosis is not good - for as long as it continues to serve only those within its cold embrace rather than offering a coherent vision to society, it will remain an irrelevance for the majority of humanity.

Copyright Democratiya, 2007

Kamm's Gimlet

Rhetorical Ploy

Argument-winning technique whereby a writer pens tedious diatribes of such immense length and intellectual flatulence that political opponents lose the will to continue debating.

So called because, like its chief practitioner, a gimlet is a small boring tool.

Not to be confused with Cohen's Neon Fallacy, named after the well-known six-foot tube.

See also Terrorists Are Bad, Whatabout? and Will-You-Condemn-A-Thon.

Stable Democracy

Noun

Stay-Bul Deh-Moh-Crah-Say

Nation gripped by nightmarish anarchy, wracked by murderous civil wars, death squads, sectarian strife and terrorism; ripe for plunder by aggressive, predatory neighbours.

"Mark my words, in ten years' time Iraq will be a stable democracy."

See also, Victory.

Terrorists Are Bad

Rhetorical Ploy

Teh-Raw-Rists Ar Bad

Devastating argument-winner and moral blank cheque, Terrorists Are Bad (also, Cohen's Law) is a free-standing justification suitable for almost any occasion.

Most commonly utilised while refusing to apologise for one's agitation for catastrophic foreign policy blunders or in defending the bombing of military targets.

"David Aaronovitch, you stand in the dock charged with committing a Breach of the Peace. The prosecution states that on 13th February 2002 you, David Aaronovitch, did enter the premises of the Islington Bowl-A-Rama, remove your clothing, defecate into your cap, place said cap upon your head and run about screaming.

This allegation is backed up by CCTV footage and fifty seven witnesses speak to your behaviour.

Do you have anything to say in your defence?"

"Why yes, your honour - I may well have stripped naked and shat in my hat, but have you considered the fact that terrorists are bad?

They blow up hospitals and mosques, and are driven by a maniacal urge to kill as many people as possible.

So, I ask you, if terrorists are bad, how could I possibly have shat in my hat? Surely, if terrorists are bad, you must acquit me of all charges."

"By Jove, I believe you are right! Officer, uncuff this man and escort him to the exit."

See also Whatabout?, Kamm's Gimlet, Nobody Could've Predicted, Mea Culpa Sed Tu Quoque Ad Maximum and Will-You-Condemn-A-Thon.

Liberal Guilt

Noun

Lih-Beh-Rall Gilt

Foolish affectation of effete elitists and ivory tower Hampstead liberals. The ludicrous belief that the past atrocities of Democrats were morally wrong, and that future actions should be considered with precedent in mind. Often causes fascists to laugh in celebration.

Generally indulged in at Liberal Dinner Parties, where braying, champagne-swilling relativists indulge in self-righteous anti-Americanism while snorting fat lines of cocaine from photographs of Saddam Hussein, leaving Decent Observer columnists to seethe at their own frustrated impotence.

See also Latte, Bruschetta, Nick Cohen, the Academic/Media Complex.

Decent Telepathy

Mystical Voodoo Power

Dee-Sint Tell-Eh-Pah-Thay

Mind-reading technique for divining the subconcious motivations of pro-fascists.

Allows users to see past the suspicious obsessions of debaters, revealing a pro-fascist's hidden agenda.

See also Decent TARDIS, Decent Taxi, .

Agenda

Noun

Ah-Jen-Dah

Secret plan of pro-fascists and Grievance Mongers to destroy Israel, Islamise the United Kingdom and restore the Caliphate.

Conjugation - "I have principles, You have interests, They have an agenda."*

"Your criticism of American airstrikes is not motivated by concern for Iraqi civilians - it's all part of your malicious hidden agenda."

See also Suspicious, Obsession, Singled-Out, Decent Telepathy.

*(copyright S. Poole, 2007)

Change

Adjective

Chayn-j

Transformative process by which one moves from the advocation of workers' rights, trade unionism, social justice and a strong welfare state to the advocation of bombing and military conquest.

"My politics have always been left-wing, but 9/11 changed everything - now I'm outraged by Ken Livingstone's tea party of terrorism with Gerry Adams."

"My fellow Americans - when we woke on September 12th we awoke to a changed world. It is with regret and a sense of grim determination that we must beat our ploughshares into swords, invade Iraq and sell its assets to Exxon and Shell at super-bonanza knock-down prices."

See also Get It.

Election

Noun

Ee-Leck-Shun

1. A formal procedure by which Iraqi Democrats appoint Islamists with unsavoury links to terrorist groups as their official representatives.

The ultimate expression of the will of the people, showing their immense thirst for freedom.

2. A formal procedure by which Palestinian fascists appoint Islamists with unsavoury links to terrorist groups as their official representatives.

The ultimate expression of the will of the people, showing their immense thirst for genocide.

Whatabout?

Rhetorical Ploy

Hwaw-Tah-Bowt

Devastating nuclear device of discourse, the deployment of which blasts, melts and obliterates the arguments of pro-fascists - much like what happens to the Nazis following the opening of the Ark of the Covenant at the end of the first Indiana Jones movie.

"Frankly, I feel that these friendly-fire incidents are symptomatic of a situation in which the U.S. army is operating reactively in a consequence-free environment."

"Oh really? Well, whatabout last week's chlorine-bombs in Baquba? Will you condemn that?"

"Whooaaaarrghhhh!" (Skin melts off face, speared by divine lightning, head explodes like a smashed watermelon.)

"I thought not."

Final and most often fatal stage of the Decent Debating Technique.

Johann Hari

Journalist, Judas

Litigious Independent journalist, cast out of the Party in 2007 for his despicable backstabbing of comrades.

A prick, the traitor Hari spent most of this decade professing loyalty while slyly working to undermine Decency with his shoddy journalism, fantastical fabrications and pretentious, attention-seeking exhibitionism in the pages of the mainstream press.

Comrades are warned that association with the Trotsky-fascist traitor will be viewed as collaboration, and shall be harshly punished.

"I've never liked that prancing great tit Johann Hari - he thinks he's so fucking clever, doesn't he?"

"Not only is Johann Hari a lying weasel now, he has always been a lying weasel. I've always despised the grandstanding, condescending, self-important little cock."

Oil

Noun

Oy-al

1. Flammable liquid used for fuel in vehicles and domestic heating systems.

2. Natural resource, the pursuit of which was the primary motivation for certain nations' support of fascism and coddling of fascist dictators in 2003 - see also Russia, France, Germany.

3. Natural resource, ludicrously offered by Conspiracy Theorists as a motivation for confronting fascism and liberating Iraq in 2003.

"Jacques Chirac's priority is protecting French oil interests in Iraq, rather than confronting fascism."

"President Bush today demanded that the Iraqi government ratify a U.S.-sponsored bill that would allow American companies unlimited access to Iraq's vast oil wealth at super-bonanza knock-down prices."

List of persons motivated by crazed greed for Oil -

Vladimir Putin, Gerhard Schroeder, Jacques Chirac, George Galloway, Hugo Chavez, Osama Bin Laden, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Brian Haw-Haw

List of persons motivated by a noble thirst for Freedom -

George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Saint Anthony of Good Faith

Latte

Noun

Lah-Dee-Dah-Tay

Effeminate Italian beverage consisting of the frothy, obnoxious steamed milk of moral equivalence to which a black, scalding shot of malevolent espresso is added.

Drunk solely by effete elitists and ivory tower Hampstead intelligentsia in laughably ethnic Shoreditch coffee-shops, while a braying cohort of liberal relativists masturbate furiously over an artfully spliced montage of hardcore pornography and Fahrenheit 9/11, leaving Decent Observer columnists to seethe at their own frustrated impotence.

See also Bruschetta, Liberal Dinner Parties, Liberal Guilt, What's Left?.

Will-You-Condemn-A-Thon

Sporting Pursuit

Amusing internet pastime, in which several Decents quiz a pro-fascist, repeatedly demanding denunciation of a vast range of randomly-chosen murders, atrocities, war crimes and military actions in an increasingly hectoring tone.

"I agree, Guantanamo Bay is an affront to democratic ideals. But Will You Condemn Palestinian suicide attacks on Israeli restaurants?...

Yes, well, Do You Condemn Jihadist chlorine-bomb attacks?...

Okay, I knew you would be too sly to openly support such acts, but Will You Condemn terrorist attacks upon the American military?

What about the Battle of Teutoberg Forest, then, Will You Condemn that? ...I see.

...Oh, fuck off, Nazi."

Secondary stage of the Decent Debating Technique, the Will-You-Condemn-A-Thon can only be averted by reciting the Catalogue of Contempt in its entirety.

See also Whatabout?, Terrorists Are Bad, Emotathlon

Boycott

Noun/Verb

Boi-Kott

1. Noble, voluntarily accepted prohibition upon purchasing consumer goods or indulging in professional transactions that profit regimes with poor human rights records. Allows Democrats to ethically register their objection to injustice.

2. Suspicious act of racist aggression proposed by the grievance-mongering Far Left to single out Democrats. Allows fascists to unethically register their obsessive hatred.

A proposed boycott of a civilised nation raises all manner of serious ethical and philosophical questions, e.g.: if a useful idiot proposes a boycott when there is nobody around to hear it, is it still anti-semitic?

Further reading - Fallout: The Joy of Sectarianism, by Andrew Anthony.

Winston Churchill

Historical Figure (1875-1964)

Prime Minister of Great Britain 1940-5, 1951-5

Visionary World War II leader and vocal critic of appeasement, who spent many years crying in the political wilderness about the imminent threat German re-armament posed to British business and military interests.

Churchill preached the doctrine of Total War against Nazi Germany, Italy and Japan, and was instrumental in the final defeat of European fascism and Japanese Imperialism.

Intellectual inspiration for modern-day anti-fascists and vocal critics of appeasement, who have spent many years crying in the political wilderness about the imminent threat that Islam, Dhimmification and the Caliphate pose to British liberties.

Modern anti-fascists preach the doctrine of Total War against Libya, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Lebanon, The Occupied Territories, Jordan, Pakistan, France, Jihadists and Ken Livingstone, and have been instrumental in safeguarding democracy by committing many fearless acts of keyboard heroism.

"Was Winston Churchill "extreme" in 1940?...

Your claim of "What you fail to understand is that your constant criticism of the Koran is pointless and gets you nowhere." smacks of people in 1938 wanting Churchill to shut up...

...It is 1933 and I am Winston Churchill." - Morgoth, regular Harry's Place commenter

See also History, Lessons of History

Military Target

Noun

Mih-Lih-Tah-Ray Tarr-gett

1. A fascist.

2. Any person, structure, object or mechanical device within 300 metres of a fascist.

3. Any person, structure, object or mechanical device that could conceivably be of any use whatsoever to a fascist at any time in the future.

"What do you mean, why did they cluster-bomb Beirut airport? It was a military target."

See also Terrorism-By-Proxy, Al-Qaedification, Surgical Strike.

Civilised

Adverb

Siv-Ill-Eyesd

Us, and any action We deem necessary.

Should not be confused with Barbarous, i.e., Them.

Singled-Out

Adjective

Sing-Gull-Dowt

Pro-fascist tactic of criticising the atrocities of Democrats.

"Why have you singled-out Israel's promiscuous use of violence while saying nothing about the persecution of Iranian bus drivers? I find it rather suspicious."

Debaters can only avoid charges of singling out nations by reciting the Catalogue of Contempt in its entirety, although any omissions will result in a lengthy Will-You-Condemn-A-Thon.

See also obsession.

Liberate

Verb

Lib-Burr-Ayt

The act of invading, bombing and occupying a dictatorship, before dictating the terms on which the nation's resources shall be sold to one's business associates at super-bonanza knock-down rates.

"I read that article about the Iranian bus-drivers' union the other day. The sooner we liberate them, the better."

"Look at those Iranian women - they're horribly oppressed. How could anybody fail to support their liberation?"

See also Victory.

Surgical Strike

Noun

Sur-Jick-Ahl-Stryk

Heroic vapourisation of fascists and bystanders practically from space with a missile that cost more to design, manufacture and deliver than the Gross Domestic Product of Ireland.

Humanitarian bombing of military targets.

Often results in Al-Qaedification, despite attempts to Minimise civilian casualties.

See also Terrorism-By-Proxy.

Grievance-Mongering

Verb

Gree-vanse-Mung-gar-Ring

Hysterical shouting by the Academic/Media Complex about triflingly unimportant stories for attention and political gain.

"I see that the Muslims are Grievance-Mongering again because the USAF blew up an Afghan wedding. What a bunch of irrelevant, whining twats."

This should not be confused with awareness-raising - the act of calmly flagging up critically important stories for attention and political gain.

"I see that the Guardian have published a column by Sheik Retardeau Al-Wankehbollochs, the noted Moroccan clerical fascist, in which he says that being bombed by the Americans is not very nice. We must raise awareness of this terrifyingly powerful man's near-omnipotent ability to implant terrorism into the very minds of the populace."

Bombing

Verb

Baw-Ming

1. Despicable tactic of terrorists and fascists against Democrats - the illegitimate use of violence against civilian and military targets.

2. Regretably necessary tactic of Democrats and liberators against fascists - the legitimate use of violence against civilian and military targets.

Often results in Al-Qaedification.

See also, Surgical Strike, Terrorism-By-Proxy

.

Republican

Noun

Ree-Pub-Lick-Can

The deadly blade in the gloved fist of Liberal Interventionism.

Batshit-crazy American political party sworn to the destruction of the Labour movement, the accruing of all wealth to themselves, endless looting of the Federal Treasury and the extermination of all foreign and domestic opposition.

These harmless quirks mask a deeply-held humanitarianism, as the Republicans' altruistic Foreign Policy goals are -

-The establishment of liberal governments dedicated to Jeffersonian democracy in all countries on Earth.

-Universal Freedom.

-Love and amity between all men and women.

-The eradication of AIDS in sub-Saharan Africa, a particularly cherished aim of noted Republican humanitarian Dick Cheney.

"Thank God the Republicans are willing to fight fascism, or the world would be in a terrible state."

Suspicious

Adjective

Suh-Spih-Shuss

Descriptive term for the fascist desire to exterminate the citizens of Israel and establish a global Caliphate.

"I find your criticism of the Israeli Defence Force rather suspicious."

See also Obsession, Decent Telepathy, Agenda.

Support

Verb

Suh-Port

1. To declare one's deep, filial affinity with a specified group in an ostentatious, hyperbolic style, while simultaneously demanding their immediate bombing.

"I support Iranian bus drivers."

2. When at a political rally, the act of having one's companion take pictures of oneself for posting on the internet.

3. With Fascism, heretical opposition to the goals of Decency.

"1 million people marched today in support of fascism, opposing the overthrow of Saddam Hussein's regime."

See also solidarity with Decent Iraqis.

Pacifism

Noun

Pah-Siff-Fiz-Um

The belief that disputes should be settled by peaceful means and that war and violence are unjustifiable.

See also Pro-Fascist, Realist

Democrat

Noun

Deh-Moh-Krat

1. Person supporting the political goals of Decency.

2. Worryingly weak American political party with alarmingly pro-fascist and pacifist tendencies.

Appeasement

Noun

Ah-Peez-Mint

Any activity not involving bombing.

"I see Ronaldo curled a beauty of a shot into the top-left corner in last night's appeasement at Old Trafford."

Derivatives - Appeaser, Appease

Obsession

Noun

Ob-sesh-on

Maniacal desire to utterly destroy (something).

"I simply can't understand your obsession with Israel."

See also suspicious, agenda, decent telepathy.

Bruschetta

Noun

Broo-Shett-Ah

Effeminate Italian foodstuff comprising bread, chopped tomatoes, garlic and basil.

Solely consumed by effete elitists and ivory tower Hampstead intelligentsia at decadent Liberal Dinner Parties, while sniggering condescension and braying anti-Americanism flow like pissy champagne, leaving Decent Observer columnists to seethe at their own frustrated impotence.

See also: Latte, Liberal Guilt, What's Left?