In Agreement With

Rhetorical Ploy

In Ah-Gree-Mint With

Faux-innocent argumentative manoeuvre, handy for pretending not to understand the difference between the concept of an American Israel lobby comprising right-wing cranks, and the idea of an all-powerful secret cabal of eldritch Zionist Cthulu-Monsters who can command the United Nations with the merest flick of a gelatinous tentacle.

Generally employed when confronted with inconvenient opinions, this simple technique sets a metaphorical army of miniature clockwork Nazis goose-stepping all over the argument, thus bringing it to a swift conclusion.

"Well, I think it's pretty obvious that American policy in the Middle East is heavily influenced by a small group of hardcore Republican partisans, religious fundamentalists and general right wing monomaniacs."

"Why, isn't that interesting - you are in agreement with neo-nazis, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, David Irving, Mussolini, David Duke, Rudolf Hess, Adolf Hitler and Darth Vader! I find that rather suspicious."

Objectively

Adverb

Ob-Jekt-Tiv-Lay

Crafty euphemism for Not Really.

Word used to indicate that the speaker possesses no evidence whatsoever to back up his assertion and prefers instead to exhume the corpse of George Orwell, then force the 1984 author's grinning, clattering bones to dance mechanically to the speaker's tune.

"Those who demonstrated in support of the Ba'athist regime were not marching in support of peace - they were objectively pro-Saddam."

"Whoah, dude, cool skeleton! Hey, make him do the hula!"

Silence

Noun

Sy-Lense

1. Complete absence of sound in Britain when democrats are attacked by fascists.

2. Complete absence of sound in Britain when one foreign nation attacks another in a flagrant act of aggression.

Often ironically contrasted to previous vocal and strident Anti-War Protests at which thousands of bruschetta-munching trendy lefties congregated to cheer on Saddam Hussein's reign of terror.

"So when Britain prepares to liberate Iraq, British liberals Go Berserk! But when terrorist suicide bombers slaughter thousands of civilians, there's nothing but the sound of silence."

"Well, that's probably because terrorist suicide bombers couldn't give a flying shit about the opinions of British demonstrators-"

"Nonsense - it's rank, anti-Western, Occidentalist hypocrisy."

Self Defence

Noun

Selph Dee-Fense

1. The righteous act of protecting one's country from small bands of foreign-based terrorists by bombing the infrastructure of the host nation to smithereens.

Regretably necessary surgical strikes against fascists, resulting in hundreds of cases of Al-Qaedification and Terrorism-By-Proxy.

Causes the Far Left and the Academic/Media Complex to Go Berserk!

2. A despicable act of unwarranted aggression undertaken against democrats.

Opportunistic military rampage launched by known genocidaires, launched under the pretense of attacking foreign-based freedom fighters, resulting in silence from the Far Left and the Academic/Media Complex.

Case Law

Proceedings Of The Court Of Decency

Session 2006-07 - CoD 43

The Liberal Intelligentsia vs. Manning

The plaintiff held that the defendant, Bernard Manning (deceased) was guilty of the crime of racism. Supporting its case, the plaintiff presented documentary evidence showing the defendant engaged in racist behaviours, video evidence of same and anecdotal evidence from numerous eye-witnesses.

The defendant offered no rebuttal, having recently died.

Justice Brown, presiding, found against the plaintiff and declared the defendant not racist based upon mitigation.

Firstly, Justice Brown held that the defendant's extensive charity work should be counted in his favour.

Secondly, he held that Mr. Manning's alleged racism was mitigated by his British origin. Justice Brown clarified that he would not have applied such leniency had Mr. Manning lived in the American deep South during the 1950's.

He also exempted the defendant from blame on grounds of his profession, holding that comedians should benefit from a wide margin of appreciation not afforded to politicians.

Finally, in summing up, Justice Brown found Mr. Manning prima facie working class, and admonished the Liberal Intelligentsia for it's braying, snobbish condescension of an honest, hard working man.

Case dismissed, all costs to be paid by the plaintiff.

Analysis - The judgement is unusual for it's stark departure from established practice - several aspects of the decision seemed contradictory to previously accepted case law, in particular Justice Brown's advice that the plaintiff should "...turn off (its) racist antennae".

Experts were nonplussed by the verdict of not racist, since the court saw video evidence in which the defendant answered the question "Are you racist?" with the word "Yes."

Additionally, the notion that defendants can claim protection from charges of racism on the grounds of "not being a politician" is highly inconsistent with previous rulings.

It remains to be seen whether this judgement has established the precedent of Homo Laborum Intactum, which could grant immunity from prosecution to any person capable of carrying off a convincingly proletarian accent.

Full transcript of the judgement.

Well-Funded

Rhetorical Ploy

Wehll Funn-Ded

Hilarious euphemism for Jewish, used to imply that one's opponent is a closet Nazi who believes that the world is controlled by seven-foot tall Zionist lizardmen.

Particularly useful when pretending not to understand the difference between the concept of an American Israel lobby comprising right-wing cranks, Republicans and religious fundamentalists, and the idea of an omnipotent Zionist Shadow-Government of megalomaniacal, telepathic reptilian space-monsters.

Anti-War Protest

Noun

Mooz-Limz And Cruss-Tayz And Trotz, O My!

Pro-War protest, mounted by those who are On The Other Side.

A gathering of a few hundred cowardly demonstrators, tinfoil-hatted cranks and straw-men, marching together in support of fascist totalitarianism, motivated by suspicious, obsessive self-hatred and a longing to be crushed under the Islamofascist jackboot.

A rollicking good party of apologism where useful idiots cavort indecently, celebrating their childish rebellion against the father figures of authority, while furiously laughing and wanking mucky splurts of pro-Jihadi ichor into the trusting, pleading faces of the victims of tyranny.

The main Anti-War Protest of 2003 was the Bastille Day of Decency, at which several hundred Decents experienced epiphanies when faced with a broad coalition of fascists, trendy lefties and Ivory Tower elitists, thereafter penning atrociously dull books describing their brown-trousered horror.

"When I awoke on the morning of 15th February, I discovered that one million Britons had chosen to march in support of a fascist regime - the largest such rally since the marches against the overthrow of General Franco in 1975...

When I asked one young marcher why she was marching in solidarity with fascists, she resorted to a glib witticism, braying "Mister, yer fly's open and yer balls are hanging out!"

Looking down, I was horrified to discover that she was correct - it was at that moment that I espied Lady Fotheringhame, who was staring open-mouthed at my exposed clackersack in shock and undisguised revulsion...

"I can explain everything!" I blurted, stepping forward, but unbeknown to me a police horse had just that moment laid a fresh deposit of steaming manure, and I slipped and stumbled forwards into the ample bosom of a heavyset lady in a floral dress. My protestations of innocence went unheeded as she began to thrash me with her handbag..."

Extract from What's Left? by Nick Cohen

"I was deeply and passionately anti-war, determined to demonstrate my implacable hatred of the Nazi imperialist George Bush. I marched to show my steadfast commitment, my moral certitude and my genocidal hatred of western democracy...

...Then I clapped eyes on a crusty juggler talking to a bloke with a beard, and the scales fell from my eyes... I immediately threw my lot in with the pro-war crowd, who were far cooler kids, had better parties and free beer."

Extract from The Joy of Sectarianism by Andrew Anthony