Wednesday, 20 August 2008

"It's Our Generation's Spanish Civil War"
Guest post by Jerry Gorgon, Canadian Decent Front

You know, furious anti-war leftists often stop me in the street and say Jerry, don't you think we should just leave Afghanistan and cheer the Taliban on as they embark on a genocidal rampage of blood-curdling horror?

I just laugh and say Of course not, for the Afghan campaign is this generation's Spanish Civil War, and I shall follow in the footsteps of great leftists like George Orwell by sitting in my study denouncing everyone who says otherwise.

It's usually at this point that they say something like Wait a minute, Orwell didn't do that. He joined a Republican militia, fought in engagements and got shot in the throat, and Why are you rattling on about the Spanish War as if you were some kind of eight-foot tall killing machine, rather than a slightly tweedy dork with a website?

I see that as the very epitome of leftist unseriousness, and I always make a point of saying Why? Because SHUT UP, that's why.

Despite this unreasoning and maniacal aggression, it remains vital that we complete our mission and defeat the Taliban. The fate of the Afghan people is in our hands, and we must stand by them in their hour of need. Failure is not an option.

Afghanistan is every bit as much like the Spanish Civil War as the invasion of Iraq was like World War II; so was the Israel/Lebanon war. It's as similar to the war in Spain as Russia vs. Georgia is to the appeasement of Hitler in 1938, i.e. practically identical.

Of course, one can always count on the defeatists and idiots of the anti-war left to come up with stupid objections. There are no end of fools pointing to the generals and military advisors who say they can't win without more troops, more materiel and more money... As if troops, tanks, helicopters, planes, guns, bombs and money were the most important thing in a war!

We shouldn't be distracted by such waffle. The most important thing is that we win - everything else is a secondary consideration, and no amount of complaining about how there aren't enough soldiers to beat the fascist Taliban changes that.

That's why I draw this astute comparison to the Spanish Civil War. Victory in Afghanistan is vital for the future of democracy in the region, and just as in Spain, it is imperative that other people do their part for the Afghan people.

Thank you.


In the Forefront of the Fight Against Fascism


Defenceless democracy scurrilously invaded and occupied by the fascist Russians.

Laughably described by the Guardian conspiracy theorist Seumas Milne as being backed by America and Israel for their own benefit, to the general outrage and horror of Decents, who can recognise centuries-old anti-semitic tropes when they see them.

Source: That Milne Bloke Is Teh Fashizzle, Harry's Place, 14th August

2. Defenceless democracy scurrilously invaded and occupied by the fascist Russians.

Perceptively described by diagram-doodling deep thinker Marko Attilla Hoare as being backed by America and Israel for their own benefit, to the general approval and agreement of Decents, who can recognise incisive and serious analyses when they see them.

Source: Those Russian Blokes Are Teh Fashizzle, Harry's Place, 20th August

Any insinuations that Georgia is being backed by America and Israel for their own benefit is therefore borderline satire, exposing the ridiculous unseriousness of the Left, unless it isn't, in which case it's not.

Wednesday, 13 August 2008

Case Law

Proceedings of the Court of Decency

Session 2008/09 CoD 22

Reality vs. Hitchens

Virtually an open and shut case, Reality vs. Hitchens is in fact the textbook example of the Conficamus (lit. "Fuck - It") principle in Decent Law.

The case hinged upon the following statement, published by the defendant Christopher Hitchens in defence of a certain ongoing military disaster ostentatiously supported by him -

"Surely it is those who opposed every step of this emancipation, rather than those who advocated it, who should be asked to explain and justify themselves."

Justice Geras, presiding, made short work of his verdict -

"There are things (those contending the statement) could say - he must know that. I mean, honest things, reasonable things. But so many of those who opposed the Iraq war have given voice, and for so much of the time, to the denial that there could have been any good reasons on the other side that his drawing attention to good news is very much to the point."

Analysis - Justice Geras does not mince words - in his judgement that "(Hitchens) must know that (there are honest and reasonable responses)" he clearly acknowledges that the defendant Hitchens is legally Plenus Stercoris (Lit. "Full of - shit").

Justice Geras then deftly dismisses the defendant's transgression by noting that, since some nasty people have previously called him (Geras) some unpleasant names, the Conficamus principle is invoked - the defendant's contention must therefore be utterly valid. All charges are summarily dismissed with no case to answer, all costs to be paid by Reality.

Interestingly this is, by this court reporter's estimation, roughly the 14,732nd occasion on which the defendant Hitchens has been found to be legally Plenus Stercoris, and the 14,284th time that a Decent Judge has dismissed all charges with a declaration of Conficamus.

n.b. Please note that Justice Geras' reference to "Good news" should not be taken to imply the existence of any actual, meaningful "Good news". In this instance, the "news" is "good" in the same sense that stepping in a large, fresh dog egg with a penny in it is "Good news" - your shoe is still covered in dog dirt, and what precisely are you going to do with a penny?

Full text of the judgement here.

Saturday, 9 August 2008


Restaurant of the Righteous


Eatery of choice for the rough-hewn, good-hearted working classes, Nando's provides fine Portuguese provender to the honest, hard-working Plebian and affords the enterprising corporate lawyer the opportunity to marinade his Decent bona fides in the spicy Peri-Peri sauce of the proletariat.

The authentic, modest fodder of Nando's is shunned and derided by the Waitrose-shopping liberal relativist in elitist acts of open contempt for the common man. For the average Decent, a visit to Nando's is an occasion for passionate self-congrulation, often prompting fulsome circle-jerks of the utmost ferocity, as if one had just finished a shift down a fucking coal mine.

External sources: Whistle While You Wank, Harry's Place.

Friday, 8 August 2008

The Surge

Secular Miracle

1. And lo, it came to pass that Babylon was accursed with plagues, and the rivers did foam with blood; and there was drought, for the Water floweth not from the Taps of men, nor did the Power that is Electric light their tents.

2. And men were as beasts, and brother slew brother even unto the last Sunnite and the last Shi'ite, and there was a great Cleansing of Ethnics and Drilling of Heads, and mighty were the Bombings of Cars and the Missiles of Cruise that smote Babylon.

3. And the Gerasites and the Hitchenites looked upon Babylon and saw that it was not Good, and grew displeased, saying, Bugger, This Maketh Us Look Pretty Bad.

4. And, Let Us Blameth It All On The Head-Choppers And The Fascites And The Ba'athites, For They Are A Jolly Unpleasant Lot, and they did demand, Will You Condemn The Fascites And The Ba'athites?

5. Oh, Well, In That Case, Will You Condemn The Ahmadinejites? What About The Hamasites, Will You Condemn The Hamasites?

6. And so on.

7. And on.

8. And there was great wailing and gnashing of teeth, and the Condemnations of the Gerasites and the Hitchenites were Legion.

9. And when they did finally remember the plagues of the Babylonites, the Gerasites and Hitchenites offered up their prayers to the LORD, crying Oh Great One, Wilt Thou Not Do Something, Anything, and loud were their lamentations and the Pity that is Self.

10. And lo, the LORD looked upon them and sayeth, Now Shalt Begin The Great SURGE Of Freedom, and, I Now Send Unto Thee a Saviour, Who Is Called David Of Petraeus

11. And David Of Petraeus walked among the Babylonites and did giveth unto the Head-Choppers and Fascites and Ba'athites thirty pieces of silver, saying Here, Taketh This Cash And Quitteth With The Chopping of Heads And The Bombing Of Cars.

12. And unto them David Of Petraeus sayeth, I Am Just Off For A Lie Down In My Fortified Tent, It Would Be Great If Thou Lot Couldst Keep The Babylonites Quiet Until After The GLORIOUS APPEARING Of John Of McCain On The White House Lawn, If Thou Knowest What I Am Saying.

13. Nudge, Nudge.

14. And Thrice Nudge.

15. And the Head-Choppers and the Fascites and the Ba'athites rejoiced, and they took the thirty pieces of silver and gave them unto the Ahmadinejites and said, Giveth Us Some Of Those Slings That Are Automatic And Those Arrows That Are Piercing of Armour, For We Shalt Have Need Of Them Once David Of Petraeus Hath Sodded Off.

16. And it came to pass that the streets of Babylon were quietened a bit, although not that much.

17. And still the water did not flow, nor did the Power that is Electric light the tents of the Babylonites, and great was their fear of the Head-Choppers and Fascites and Ba'athites.

18. And the Gerasites and Hitchenites looked upon Babylon and saw that it was Good, and said, God Bless The SURGE!

19. And, God Bless the Head-Choppers and the Fascites and The Ba'athites, For They Hath Brought Peace To Babylon And Restored Our Faith.

20. And, Oh, Did We Sayeth Head-Choppers and Fascites and Ba'athites? Verily, We Meant "Democrats".

21. Yea, We Distinctly Remember Saying "Democrats".

22. And so it came to pass that the SURGE did WORK, and there was great rejoicing and loud were the Hosannas and the hearts of men were gladdened, and there was much mounting of the Horse that is High.

23. And the Babylonites did say, Why Are These Mentalites In Charge, and, Where's All This Freedom the LORD promised us, and, Hello, and, Is Anybody Listening?

24. And lo, nobody was.