Thursday, 29 November 2007


Rhetorical Ploy


Turd-polishing linguistic quibble, designed to emphasise the good intentions motivating certain foreign policy disasters.

A term first coined by Alcoholics Anonymous, an intervention begins when several hundred thousand heavily-armed friends drop by, before relieving ones psychotic ruler of his non-existent nuclear weapons programs and settling down to sell ones natural resources to their friends at super-bonanza knock-down prices.

Used explicitly to disambiguate an intervention - a righteous moral crusade for freedom, truth and justice - from a deliberate war of aggression. The difference is vital in law, since one is awarded Nobel prizes for the first, and hung like a common cutthroat for the second.

"Professor Taylor's inability to distinguish an "invasion of Iraq" - as if a state's legitimate sovereignty had been violated by the removal of a bestial and kleptocratic regime - from an intervention in Iraq is merely the least of the many components in the evidence of his stupidity." - Oliver Kamm

See also Failures In The Reconstruction Process, Confronting Fascism, Kamm's Gimlet

Case Law

Proceedings of the Court of Decency

Session 2006/07 CoD 14

European Thuggery vs. European Fascism

A noteworthy test case for all students of Decent law, Thuggery vs. Fascism is the benchmark for assigning culpability following acts of mob racism and violence.

The court considered two instances of football-related civil disorder. In the first, French football fans racially abused then physically attacked an Israeli supporter - in the second, Israeli football fans disrupted a "minute's silence" for an assassinated former Prime Minister with racist chants.

Justice Zitver, presiding, overruled previous legal precedents requiring all acts of racist hatred to be judged by the same standard, creating a new two-tier hierarchy of prejudice. This new legal test, Israelum Accuso Non Potest, allows for the precise allocation of culpability.

In the first case, Justice Zitver held the nation of France responsible for the racist behaviour of a small group of French football supporters.

In the second, he held the continent of Europe responsible for the racist behaviour of over ten thousand Israeli football supporters.

Case closed, all costs to be paid by France.

- The judgement is notable for its refusal to adhere to the principle that "what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander". In effect, Justice Zitver's ruling deliberately exempted the inhabitants of one nation from culpability for their actions.

While this proved controversial, it is entirely consistent with his previous rulings on the use of indiscriminate violence, collective punishment and human rights abuses, thus conforming with the principles of Decent law.

Full text of the judgements can be read here and here.

Wednesday, 21 November 2007

Reach Out


Reetch Owt

Also, engage with, befriend, seek alliance with, and build good relations with.

The act of seeking out a person or group with whom one wishes to make common cause, then hectoring them at very great length over their personal and collective failings, religious and political beliefs, habits, friends and acquaintances etc.

To browbeat, to lecture. Also, to chide, sermonise, rebuke, tell off, dress down, hassle, harangue, preach to, scold, admonish, and shout at. The more belligerently one engages with a potential ally, the more likely that person is to grasp the firmness of ones opinions and the urgency of the situation.

"There's no doubt that the radicalisation of young Muslim men in Britain is a major problem. I say that we should reach out to moderate Muslims."

"Right! I've been making common cause with them for years -now's my chance to really befriend some sense into them on a one-to-one basis. I'll engage with those fuckers like they've never been engaged with before."




The state of acting in accordance with the law, particularly in holding public office. A politician or head of state is ruled to hold his power legitimately providing he or she can secure the majority support of commenters at the internet blog Harry's Place.

Having secured a democratic mandate from the gatekeepers of Decency, a national leader is largely free to act in any way he or she sees fit. Penalty points are applied for failing to maintain at least an indifferent human rights record, indulging in blatant larceny or clamping down on free speech. Major credits can be gained by occasionally voicing weak support for surgical strikes upon whichever nation the West is bombing democracy into at that particular moment.

Any leader attempting to enact legislation to empower the mass of the people, redistribute wealth or curtail the excesses of the free market will be regarded as suspicious.

Any leader mentioning The Rubble can expect instant disqualification.

"Of course Hugo Chavez is a dictator - he has no legitimacy whatsoever."

"But he's won election after election. He may be mad as a box of weasels, but surely he's earned his office."

"Are you deaf or something? The people have spoken - he's a dictator."

Tuesday, 13 November 2007


Rhetorical Ploy


Conjugation of support.

"I support Israeli self-defence against Hezbollah.

You are in agreement with Hezbollah.

They are Complicit in Hezbollah's aggression."

Saturday, 10 November 2007


Sporting Pursuit

Acronym for What Will Galloway Do? Amusing internet pastime, prompted by any mildly political or military occurance.

Properly executed, the WWGD gambit can result in days of entertainment and ribaldry as hundreds of humourists speculate wildly over the perfidy of the football-faced, shouty political Munchkin.

"I see that the people of Burma are protesting against their tyrannical rulers. Analysts fear that the regime will react violently... this situation has the potential for appalling loss of life, but also extends the hope that the people of that nation will overthrow their corrupt rulers... All of which leaves us with only one vital, burning question... WWGD?"

"Galloway will definitely issue a statement in support of the regime, decrying the imperialist United Nations Committee on Human rights..."

"Ho ho, he'll set up a charity - I can see it now, DictatorAid! Please give generously..."

"I reckon GG will be on the first plane out to fellate these dictators and tickle their balls."


"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! ! My face hurts from laughing!!!!"

":)!!!!" (Cont. ad infinitum)

Chucklesome version of "Yo Mamma So Fat" for middle-class university graduates.

Wednesday, 7 November 2007





Good Intentions

Rhetorical Ploy

Good In-Ten-Shuns

1. Naive ideals about anti-racism held by latte-swilling Islington liberals, which have inevitably led to the ghettoisation and fragmentation of modern Britain into a collection of mutually hostile ethnic and religious clan fiefdoms.

Stupid and deluded beliefs resulting in unmitigated disaster, thoroughly discrediting the effete Ivory Tower simpletons who hold them.

2. Righteous ideals about anti-fascism held by Muscular Liberals, which have accidentally led to the ghettoisation and fragmentation of modern Iraq into a collection of mutually hostile ethnic and religious clan fiefdoms.

Timeless and compelling beliefs resulting in qualified success, thoroughly vindicating the sensible and serious commentators who hold them.

See also Failures Of The Reconstruction, Stable Democracy, Confronting Fascism.

Tuesday, 6 November 2007




Rhetorical ploy and moral blank cheque excusing any and all fatalities incurred during surgical strikes upon military targets - full and final culpability for any casualties resulting from the actions of Democrats.

"Let me see if I can pin down your point here. Surely the occupation of Iraq has been an abject disaster -"

"Yes, and one for which terrorists bear ultimate responsibility."

"Oh, come on, you're not suggesting that all those wedding parties that have been obliterated-"

"... Are unfortunate horrors, arising from the depravity of fascists."

"... Right. So when the Metropolitan Police mistakenly shoot a member of the public at point blank range, then pump exculpatory propaganda into the media, that would be-"

"That would be a disgraceful failure in operational procedures, compounded by a grotesque and deliberate strategy of misinformation."

"My goodness, really?"

"No, not really, you total retread - it's the fucking terrorists' fault again, isn't it?"

"I see. David Aaronovitch, thank you."

"No problem Jeremy, it's always a pleasure appearing on Newsnight."

Saturday, 3 November 2007

The Moral High Ground

Rhetorical Ploy

Tha Maw-Rull Hy Grownd

1. Righteous position claimed during acts of Terrorism-By-Proxy - a comfortable, satisfying aura of regretful determination.

2. The only place left to stand after cheering surgical strikes on the Low Ground and the cluster bombing of the Middle Ground.