Tibet

Nation

Tih-Bett

Oppressed, occupied Asian nation whose mere existence is evidence of the righteousness of Decency and the spectacular villainy of Anti-Imperialism.

Political football repeatedly blasted into an open goal by gaggles of Muscular Liberals stating that no useful idiot has ever, in the history of political discourse, raised any objection to the Chinese repression of the Tibetan people.*

The ultimate whatabout, effortlessly annihilating all ideological foes, Tibet is the cruise missile of political discussion, laying waste to all suspicious arguments leaving the Muscular Liberal standing alone at the very summit of the moral high-ground.

*Unlike Decents, who can rarely be prevailed upon to stop discussing the plight of the Tibetan people and engaging in political activism to ameliorate their condition.

"I don't expect the Israelis to sit on their hands while rockets are landing on their cities, but after forty years of massive retaliation I don't think missile strikes -"

"Tibet!"

"What?"

"Tibet! Tibet! Tibet!"

"Excuse me? What has that-"

"Tibet! Tibet! Ha ha, no answer for that, eh, stopper? You all saw that - he doesn't care about the suffering of the Tibetan people, but he's obsessed with Israel! Suspicious, the way he singles out the Jews, eh? Why don't you take your racist hatred somewhere else, you disgusting bigot?"

"But I-"

"Shut up, fascist - your agenda has been exposed."

See also WWGD?, Catalogue of Contempt, Will-You-Condemn-A-Thon.

Alternative Iraq

Psychological Construct

Awl-Terr-Nah-Tiv Ih-Rak

Diabolical, imaginary country not liberated by the Republicans, in which the daily horrors and atrocities are so vicious, extreme and barbaric that it makes the real misery of actually existing Iraqis look like a three-ring circus replete with clowns, jolly music and popcorn.

A hellish land existing entirely within a parallel universe, invoked to scold realists and pro-fascists for their maniacal desire to retrospectively subject Alternative Iraqis to hideous, agonising, and entirely fictional deaths for political purposes.

Details are sketchy, but one imagines that Alternative Iraq is a collossal inferno where the inhabitants are chained to ravenous bears and the tabouleh is booby-trapped with spring-loaded jars of pissed-off tarantulas and scorpions.

Further, it seems likely that the football pitches writhe with poisonous asps, the markets throng with troops of sexually enraged baboons and one cannot so much as bend over to pick up a coin in the street without being badly gored in the anus by a disgruntled rhinoceros.

"Given the horrific slaughter that has resulted from the invasion of Iraq, it would seem that it was unwise to trust the Republicans, and that the doctrine of liberal intervention must be subjected to a thoroughgoing and rigorous audit process to determine why it failed."

"You anti-imperialist lefties disgust me, with your blatant, cold-hearted disregard for the lives of Alternative Iraqis. However horribly the fascists, Ba-athists and jihadists have disfigured Iraq, there can be no doubt that it is better than what would have happened if we had not intervened."

Disambiguation - Alternative Iraq should not be confused with Iraq, a land existing in a parallel universe in which fictional Mesopotamian men of peace conduct an entirely non-sectarian conflict against a generalised concept of evil, as embodied by non-Iraqi terrorists, via the endeavours of selfless Republicans and a largely illusory Iraqi Army.

See also Iranian Bus Drivers, Iraqi Political Football, Ghost Dance of Geras,

Administrative Notes 5

Excellent news comrades - the latest edition of Democratiya is now available and contains a rich bounty of insightful and inventive writing.

In this issue, criminology lecturer Simon Cottee utilises the full force of his interrogative powers to enthusiastically me-too Decent Dole recipient Andrew Anthony's furious struggle to shout down the left hemisphere of his own brain.

Foreign Secretary David Miliband announces his fervent belief in the vital importance of sucking up to the Democrats in The Democratic Imperative. Sample quote...

"...I know that many of you will have doubts, citing the mistakes we made in Iraq and Afghanistan... And yes, sadly, mistakes were made. My plea is that you don't let your opinion of the trillion-dollar bloodbath we accidentally kick-started in Vietraq prevent you from supporting movements for democracy... by which I mean, saying Yes, Boss and throwing our weight behind whatever hare-brained scheme we're told to support next...

...So, we must resist the argument of the left and right to retreat into a world of realpolitik, and yadda-yadda-yadda, you get the idea - bombs away, freedom and democracy etcetera.

Thank you for your time, enjoy the finger buffet, all major credit cards accepted."

Prof. Andrei S. Markovitz takes time out from detailing the many injustices he suffered as a child at the hands of anti-American Viennese school teachers to remind us that, since Britain is populated almost entirely with Jew-hating fascists, none of us need re-examine the petty resentments, fallacious certitudes and hyper-partisan outrage that constitute Decent discourse.

Student David Zarnett relieves his bulging bladder over a re-examination of Orientalism while firing rhetorical cannonballs at a shrieking, 700-foot tall SaidZilla that threatens to rampage across Europe, crushing empirical analysis and truth with mighty swipes of its relativist paws.

Matthew Omolesky warns that a France which does not immediately accept the wildly popular cult of Muscular Liberalism as its state religion risks sliding into irrelevance, while Pimp-My-Senator Scoopist Robin Simcox reminds us that Terrorists Are Bad before denouncing the stupidity of those so discombobulated by relativism that they can't recognise impending victory in the War On Terror when they see it.

Finally, editor Alan Johnson passes round the begging bowl and offers salt-of-the-earth leftists the fantastic opportunity to send him large sums of money. Hands in pockets, fellow anti-fascists, for this kind of repetitive reshuffling of the same five talking points, ably remixed by a gaggle of po-faced academics, does not come cheap.

And remember the Democratiya motto - Liberty, if it means anything, is the right to tell ones readers what they wish to hear, over and over again.

Choice

Rhetoric

Choyss

1. Absolute freedom of action and moral agency available to fascists.

2. Absolute freedom of action and moral agency seldom, if ever, available to democrats.

"After the initial terrorist attacks, we had no choice other than to use minimum force to counter the threat."

"Pardon me, General, but it says here you bombed the airport, the petrol stations, the factories, the highways, the supermarkets, shops, bakeries, sea ports... In fact, you appear to have bombed practically everything except for the terrorists themselves."

"Exactly - it was an appalling act of terrorism-by-proxy, for which the terrorists bear ultimate responsibility."

Health & Safety Regs

Suicide-By-Bureaucracy

Hellthh Ahnd Sayff-Tay Reggz

Foolish and unnecessary red tape employed by liberal relativists to impede the reconstruction of liberated stable democracies.

Silly, legalistic indicators of a culture of risk avoidance, Health & Safety Regs are the Taliban's greatest ally, and the only obstacle preventing courageous Observer journalists from immediately charging out to Helmand province to help out our brave boys, causing them to seethe at their own frustrated impotence.*

*The Decent Observer journalists, not our brave boys.

Case Law

Proceedings of the Court of Decency

Session 2007/08 CoD96 - F.O.I. Request 08/34/2

R. Thomas vs H.M.G.

(Rush transcript - 11.32 27/2/08, Justice Brown presiding)

(Transcript begins)

Justice Brown: "...Turning to our next case, let's see... Ah! That bloody information commissioner, what? Thomas, isn't it? Still banging on about that Iraq nonsense I see... Oh well, I suppose we might as well just bash through it, make it look good..."

"...So, you want the transcript of the pre-war cabinet meetings released. Ho ho, you never give up, you nasty little terrier you... Let's see... 'The decision to take military action against another state is so important that accountability... etcetera etcetera, public interest and so on and so forth...'"

Well, this looks an open and shut case to me, Thomas old boy. You've clearly failed to understand how British democracy works, eh? See, in Britain, what we do is elect a party to represent our interests - that party elects a leader, and that leader is then free to do whatever he sees fit, without having to answer a lot of impertinent questions from jumped-up quill-pushers such as yourself."

"Indeed, I see a further difficulty here - this 'transparency and accountability' malarkey sets a jolly bad precedent. If we start auditing government decision making, that'll hardly encourage them to be more open about their true intentions in future, will it?"

Thomas: "I object your honour, I - (Inaudible) - in the interests of full public disclosure - (Inaudible, "public trust", "governance", some such nonsense)

JB: "Yes, that's all well and good, Thomas, but what if ministers were unable to get their story straight in private before presenting a pack of half-truths, exaggerations and outright lies to the public? If Johnny Taxpayer is going to stick his oafish nose into every cabinet meeting, it carries a real risk that ministers will be less open and transparent when preparing to mislead the public over future foreign policy disasters."

Thomas: (Inaudible, 'pre-emptive' this, 'war of choice' that, 'misleading the electorate' etc. etc... i.e. much the same prating foolishness as before)

JB: "Overruled, Thomas, you contemptible little scrote. What's all this about 'Pre-emptive war', then? Surely that's the whole point, you clot. One goes to the great trouble of shooting first precisely so that one can ask questions later, or preferably never... I'm satisfied that this will all come out in the fullness of time, by which point everyone will have forgotten what the problem was, and there'll be no unpleasant prosecutions - case dismissed."

"Now you, Thomas, Information Commissioner or not - I'm of good mind to fine you for wasting the court's time this morning, you meddlesome little turd. What's your interest in overturning the basics of British governance, eh? For let us not forget that Liberty, If It Means Anything, Is The Right To Elect a Prime Minister Then Slavishly Obey His Whims Without Getting Ideas Above Our Station, eh?"

"Get out of my sight, you despicable oaf... Now, what's next... What? Lunchtime already? Good show, I'm ruddy starving, and I've got the Common Man vs. the Liberal Intelligentsia to do first thing tomorrow morning..."

(Transcript ends)

Full text of written judgement

Comedy

TBC

Koh-Meh-Day

1. Unserious pandering to the infantile prejudices of ivory tower dwelling bien pensants by a light entertainer, in which the politics overwhelms the humour.

Smug, self-righteous moral and intellectual idiocy dressed up as the very apex of rib-tickling ribaldry.

2. Obsessive and suspicious activity indulged in by wankers.

3. Devastatingly witty response to any mildly political or military occurance, in which one imitates the tone of one's political enemies for chucklesome satirical effect.

"I see that there have been extensive blackouts in Tehran today, with some speculating that the elderly power grid cannot maintain supply to all parts of the city due to a lack of maintenance. Some are asking whether external actors may have played a part... Take it from the top, boys!"

"It has to have been the ZioCon Crusaderz LOL!!!!"

Small man with miniature drumkit - "Ba-Doom, Tish!"

"Ha ha, no, it was the JOOOOOOOOS using their mystical powers, ha ha ha ha OMFG!!!1!!1!"

Fat man with duck whistle - "OOOOoooooOOOOO!"

"Ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ROTFLMAO!!!!!!"

"No, no, I've got it now, it was an eight-foot tall uberrace of NeoKKKon space-lizards who zapped Tehran's electricity networks with gamma rays and lazer beams from an orbital network of Hebraic satellite lazers!"

(Silence, Tumbleweeds)

"You've taken that too far, Oliver."

See also Well-Funded, WWGD?