Arise, Ye Warriors Of Decency!

Congratulations to all Encyclopedia readers, as news reaches Muscular Manor that the Israeli Knesset has embarked on a new crackdown on human rights NGOs. The latest proposals would allow the Israeli government to close down any NGO on entirely spurious and heavily fictionalised allegations of treachery.

Coming so soon after the previous crackdown's restrictions on the movement of human rights NGOs' employees, this fresh move amounts to an entirely deliberate and Dalek-esque attempt to exterminate the concept of "oversight" under the hilarious pretence that everyone in the entire universe is a racist psychopath hell-bent on Israel's destruction.

In short, it appears that we may be on the cusp of achieving the Decent dream of a world in which the IDF will be able to imprison and/or kill the fuck out of whoever it likes, whenever it likes, without having to answer a lot of impertinent questions.

None of this could've been achieved without your contribution, dear reader, for polls now reveal that...

More than half of Jewish Israelis think human rights organizations that expose immoral behavior by Israel should not be allowed to operate freely, and think there is too much freedom of expression here, a recent survey found. (Haaretz)

To be clear - the Israeli people did not wake up one morning suddenly filled with the deranged belief that human rights NGOs are jammed to the hoop with pro-terrorist, genocidal Nazis who need to be jailed. It took a long, monomaniacal and completely insane campaign of misinformation, fraudulent non-scandals and outright propaganda to reach the point where these crackdowns would be possible.

So arise, ye warriors of Decency! Whether you wholeheartedly joined in the wingnutty circle-jerk over Amnesty International and the awful terrorists or merely pretended to be terrified that Human Rights Watch was employing actual, jackbooted Nazi stormtroopers, it is your efforts that have led to this glorious outcome.

Candidly, our furious bullshit campaigns against NGOs have been so obviously premised on utter bad faith and tissue-thin innuendo that it has taken years of hard work to reach the point where the Israeli government can crush anyone and everyone who tries to draw attention to its astonishingly bad behaviour.

Our record of trumping up these hysterically dishonest and see-through allegations into a massive media bullshit explosion of blatantly fake concern about non-existent pro-Jihadism is second to none, and has played an important role in creating this situation.

So give yourselves a pat on the back, muscular liberals! You yourself may not literally have shot a Palestinian woman in the face with total impunity from scrutiny or accountability, but it's thanks in no small part to you that all of tomorrow's horrific Israeli human rights violations will take place in a media and judicial vaccuum.

Well done, to each and every one of you.

Those EDL Protests - Mea Non Culpa

The Encyclopedia of Decency hereby wishes to disassociate itself utterly from the recent anti-Muslim protests of the so-called English Defence League in various towns and cities throughout the country.

The Encyclopedia's authors have always opposed the type of hysterical scaremongering that the EDF promote, and have been careful to impress upon readers that we firmly oppose the activities of some small Islamic political and religious extremist groups and the disgusting, politically-correct, right-on, traitorous far-leftists who wish to bring the nation to its knees before the Islamists' monomaniacal desire to destroy all that is right and true.

It appears however that some readers have somehow misinterpreted this nuanced and principled stance against small numbers of radical lunatics as a generalised animus towards all Muslims, and have posted hundreds of comments saying so over a number of years.

Nothing could be further from the truth. We at the Encyclopedia have taken great pains to show that we abhor racism in all its forms and we have repeatedly shown our support for moderates within the Islamic community such as Hassan Butt.

Nobody is more shocked than we are that this abhorrent crowd of violent racists have suddenly sprung up, as if from nowhere, with no encouragement from anyone. We have spent years warning that politically correct attitudes were opening the country to a dire threat from a very small number of Islamic extremists, and we are disgusted by these demonstrations by thugs warning that politically correct attitudes are opening the country to a dire threat from a very large number of Islamic extremists while chanting racist slogans.

That is why we, and all other Decents, can watch footage of the EDL protests then look ourselves in the mirror and say with our hands on our hearts that these marches by the far-right are entirely spontaneous, unforeseeable events that are completely unconnected to any of our activities over the past decade.

Indeed, if there's one primary victim to come out of all of this, it is principled anti-fascists like ourselves who oppose both the BNP and the Islamic extremists who infest our cities like Sharia cockroaches. After all, as Alexander Meleagrou-Hitchens says in the noted left wing periodical Standpoint, these protests make it all too easy for the anti-western, we-are-all-Hezbollah appeasers of Islamic fascism to portray our principled stance against totalitarianism as mere manipulation of racist fears for political ends.

As Hitchens the Younger further counsels, it is clear that responsibility for these protests - as with so much else - lies with the trendy multiculturalists who would prevent dissenting voices from raising awareness of the vast Islamist threat with a great volume of newspaper columns, campaigns, petitions, websites and blogs.

Let us not be dissuaded from the course upon which we are set, for we are certain that our cause is just and our aims noble. We say that no number of dunderheaded protests by racist idiots determined to "defend England" from a supposedly-unstoppable wave of foreign terrorists must deflect us from our duty to type up columns and blog posts hyping the Islamist threat. To your keyboards, comrades!

MM

Sources -

Racists, Hooligans and Bigots: We Feel Your Pain Lads, But We Can Handle This By Ourselves, by Alexander Meleagrou-Hitchens;

Never Mind The BNP - Here's More Bloody Muslims, by "Lucy Lips", Harry's Place

"This is the terrorist-supporting 'we are Hezbollah' mob. We need all our lads to turn out to let them know they aren't welcome here," - Stop The Islamification of Europe, quoted in The Guardian

Nuffink To Do Wiv Me, Guv, Aaronovitch Watch

Admin Notes 10 - The Bruschettas 2008

The festive season is upon us once more and in true end-of-year tradition, it's time for voting to open in the inaugural Bruschetta Awards, as given by The Encyclopedia of Decency in recognition of outstanding service to the cause of Muscular Liberalism.

My nominations for a few awards follow as an example, and readers are invited to submit any instances of Decency above and beyond the call of duty before the final count. Without much ado, let us commence...

The Mammy-Two-Shoes Award

Awarded in recognition of the most hysterically overblown reaction to a non-story, named for the old lady who owned Tom in Tom & Jerry.

To my mind, this year's finest display of chair-leaping, skirt-clutching, broom-beating shriekery was David T. of Harry's Place's jihad on segregated swimming - a not-really-very-interesting story immediately pounced on by the Mail, the Telegraph, and a global audience of gleeful wingnuts and white supremacists.

Congratulations are due, for inflating a disinterested decision made by a dipshit local administrator into an epic struggle between secularism, religious reaction and ethnic segregation is harder than it looks.


The Islingtonian Award For Anecdotal Anti-Semitism

Given for excellence in the reporting of alleged fashion-accessory racism by unidentified chardonnay-swilling elitists at Liberal Dinner Parties or in Decent Taxis.

Surely nobody has given as much in this field as Dennis MacShane MP, whose unstinting work in relating unverifiable tales of haute-cuisine Hebrew-hatred by anonymous middle-class liberals is second to none.

The Golden Wankshaft

Awarded for the most crass smuggling of deranged, wingnut culture war propaganda under the cover of a supposedly left wing critique.

Readers will do well to find a more egregious example than Nick Cohen's When Barack's Berserkers Lost The Plot, which joyfully embraced the hilarious "Liberal elitists hate Sarah Palin because she's so working class" propaganda being pumped out by America's most barking.

Extra points are awarded for invoking the following Decent hot-button words - Post-Modern, Support for the Iraq war, Neocons, "Leftists... Allowing their hatred to override their judgement" and Eric Hobsbawm.

Suggestions are also humbly requested in the following categories -


The Coalface Gong - For the most ostentatious condemnation of generic middle class liberals and high-horse antics over the working class by a Decent earning not less than three times the national average wage;

The Bellicosity Bauble - For the most bloodcurdling call for counterproductive warmaking;

The Inkblot - Given for the most impressive extrapolation of fascist, racist and/or pro-terrorist beliefs from the flimsiest evidence, preferably an out-of-context, single-sentence quote;


The Sara Lee Award - For the simultaneous consumption and retention of one's ideological cake. Winners are likely to be found amongst commentators on the Russo-Georgian war, during which Georgia managed to be both an American client state and not an American client state at the same time, and finally;

The Fuckam Tu Quoque - Given to the Decent who issued the most grudging, minimalist admission of error, accompanied by the most hilariously bitter But You Are All Bastards Nonetheless snark.

Many thanks.

Administrative Notes 8

Announcement - Introducing "Decentpedia Arts"

The rise of blogging in recent years has laid bare the limitations of the traditional "dead tree" media. In today's multifaceted, super-lubricated media landscape, the mainstream press finds itself outstripped and intimately molested by the growth of newer, stupider online commentary.

Can any reader honestly deny that, on opening The Guardian, they have never thought to themselves, This newspaper needs many, many more nostalgic, colonoscopic ruminations on the history of punk rock?

Surely you have found yourself wishing that there was some outlet devoted to ponderous deconstruction of the endless Jihadist propaganda of primetime BBC dramas, and the subsequent rectal detection of racist tropes?

And who can honestly say that they have never seen a poster for a Hollywood film and thought, Boy, rather than pay to watch that, I'd far prefer to read a hysterical weblog entry accusing its director of sedition and complicity with terrorists?

If so, Decentpedia Arts is for you - a daily journal of cultural highlights viewed from a Decent perspective, vibrating and glistening in the shine-buffed abstraction of the cybermedial. It will be stuffed to the anus with fellatious reviews of the creative works of my friends and political allies, and strident condemnations of the traitorous artworks and the elitist literature of my political enemies.

Whether you're a frustrated, middle-aged white guy who is horribly embarrassed of the stupid opinions you held as a youngster, or just an old-fashioned small-minded reactionary terrified of modernity and hostile to the foreign and the novel, Decentpedia Arts will do for culture what its pusillanimous, mealy-mouthed sniping and bitter, resentment-fuelled carping have done for politics.

Upcoming articles include...

Nando's - My Deeply Authentic Proletarian Dining Odyssey

Bonekickers, Spooks And Doctor Who - The BBC Drama Department's Thirst For Murder

Question Time - Should The Left Support The Execution Of David Dimbleby?

Jon Snow - A Life In Broadcasting Fascist Lies

The Clash - How a Tenuous Connection To The Far Left Thirty Years Ago Means Joe Strummer Was a Nazi Communist

The Smiths - It Were All Trees Around Here When I Were a Lad (or, You Don't See Bands Like That These Days, It's All Just Noise Now, Isn't It)

The Berserkers Of Hollywood - Nick Cohen Can't See Any Jihadist Villains In Movies With His Head Jammed Up His Hoop

Why Free Speech Must Be Absolutely Free And Unlimited For Everyone, Except For Homophobic Jamaican Rappers, Guardian Columnists and Tedious Left Wing Bloggers, Who Should Be Imprisoned The Very Moment They Open Their Disgusting Mouths

Administrative Notes 7

To The Barricades, Comrades - A Rallying Cry In Defence of Harry's Place

Arise, muscular liberals, for the enemy is at the gates in the form of Mohammed Sawalha, President of the British Muslim Initiative and his dastardly legal threats against Harry's Place.

Having been caught red-handed promulgating anti-semitic smears, this supporter of and fund-raiser for Hamas has launched a doomed legal action against that esteemed internet outlet for its reporting of quotes attributed to him by an entirely separate website in an attempt to intimidate the near-defenceless corporate lawyer David T. into silence.

These bullying tactics are a disgusting abuse of the legal process and English defamation laws, which should be reserved for only the most serious breaches, such as those occurring when Guardian writer David Edgar points out that Nick Cohen is full of shit or Some Guy With a Website says something nasty about Oliver Kamm.

Rest assured that this chilling suit is merely the tip of the iceberg. If Harry's Place is silenced for reporting the truth and backing it up with solid evidence, then the era of the Will-You-Condemn-a-Thon is officially over and, with it, muscular liberalism itself.

A movement which bases its worldview upon quotes ripped out of context, wild and highly defamatory speculation over the motives of its enemies, dubious anecdotes, Decent Telepathy, viscious two-minute hates and baseless, hysterical accusations of proto-fascism will surely shrivel up and die the instant it is dragged under the microscope of the judicial process.

Just think - all that good work poured into dissecting Ken Livingstone's public statements and extrapolating near-Hitlerian levels of fascism... Gone in a firestorm of white-hot litigation!

Those extended hate-harshes against academic unions attempting to boycott Israel, and all of those maniacal insinuations about their outright jew-hatred... Blasted into smithereens by bewigged legal assassins!

Those countless celebrities, columnists, politicians, journalists, writers, thinkers, film-makers, bloggers, broadcasters, and religious figures constantly depicted as jack-booted fascists, hankering ravenously to devour democracy itself... Why, any one of them could stand up and insist that any and all muscular liberals take full legal responsibility for their actions.

Unthinkable! If I choose to defame a minor public figure as a genocidal fascist with exterminationist tendencies who propagandises for terrorists, then it's up to that person to refute my arguments, and also the mendacious counter-arguments I'll deploy ad infinitum thereafter.

So I urge all of you to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Harry's Place on this issue. Remember, these are the same courts that refused to find against George Galloway, on the pitiful grounds that his accusers couldn't produce any reliable evidence against him.

Liberty, if it means anything, is the right to disparage whoever one likes in a consequence-free environment, and that applies just as much to known anti-semitic scum like Sawalha as it does to thousands of random political opponents we don't like.

Administrative Notes 6

Improve Your Argumentative Abilities With This Free Special Edition EoD "Condemnittm" Office Assistant

As a special, one-time-only offer, Encyclopedia readers can now claim this free office assistant for their home computers.

If you struggle to maintain the blazing hostility needed to dish out daily denunciations, Condemnittm will tone up your weak and equivocal tone into furious, fiery and bellicose blasts of bitchy rhetorical bombast.

Condemnittm contains a state-of-the-art Grudge-O-Matictm database, including a comprehensive list of all historical atrocities, animosities, injustices and bellicosities; back-stabbings, land-grabbings, annexations, conflagrations and devastations; all partitions and seditions; bombings, lootings, beatings, shootings, meetings, murders and disputings; Theocracies, hypocrisies and apostasies; Haters, fools, dictators, tools, traitors, race-baiters and reds...

In fact, if it's pissed off somebody, somewhere, Condemnittm has it, ready and waiting to be crow-barred into the discussion or needlessly thrown in the faces of total strangers!

Don't delay - get your Condemnittm Office Assistant today.

"I wouldn't be where I am today without my Condemnittm Office Assistant - truly, a vital tool in dealing with the lugubrious moral idiocies of the modern apologist." - C. Hitchens, writer.

Administrative Notes 5

Excellent news comrades - the latest edition of Democratiya is now available and contains a rich bounty of insightful and inventive writing.

In this issue, criminology lecturer Simon Cottee utilises the full force of his interrogative powers to enthusiastically me-too Decent Dole recipient Andrew Anthony's furious struggle to shout down the left hemisphere of his own brain.

Foreign Secretary David Miliband announces his fervent belief in the vital importance of sucking up to the Democrats in The Democratic Imperative. Sample quote...

"...I know that many of you will have doubts, citing the mistakes we made in Iraq and Afghanistan... And yes, sadly, mistakes were made. My plea is that you don't let your opinion of the trillion-dollar bloodbath we accidentally kick-started in Vietraq prevent you from supporting movements for democracy... by which I mean, saying Yes, Boss and throwing our weight behind whatever hare-brained scheme we're told to support next...

...So, we must resist the argument of the left and right to retreat into a world of realpolitik, and yadda-yadda-yadda, you get the idea - bombs away, freedom and democracy etcetera.

Thank you for your time, enjoy the finger buffet, all major credit cards accepted."

Prof. Andrei S. Markovitz takes time out from detailing the many injustices he suffered as a child at the hands of anti-American Viennese school teachers to remind us that, since Britain is populated almost entirely with Jew-hating fascists, none of us need re-examine the petty resentments, fallacious certitudes and hyper-partisan outrage that constitute Decent discourse.

Student David Zarnett relieves his bulging bladder over a re-examination of Orientalism while firing rhetorical cannonballs at a shrieking, 700-foot tall SaidZilla that threatens to rampage across Europe, crushing empirical analysis and truth with mighty swipes of its relativist paws.

Matthew Omolesky warns that a France which does not immediately accept the wildly popular cult of Muscular Liberalism as its state religion risks sliding into irrelevance, while Pimp-My-Senator Scoopist Robin Simcox reminds us that Terrorists Are Bad before denouncing the stupidity of those so discombobulated by relativism that they can't recognise impending victory in the War On Terror when they see it.

Finally, editor Alan Johnson passes round the begging bowl and offers salt-of-the-earth leftists the fantastic opportunity to send him large sums of money. Hands in pockets, fellow anti-fascists, for this kind of repetitive reshuffling of the same five talking points, ably remixed by a gaggle of po-faced academics, does not come cheap.

And remember the Democratiya motto - Liberty, if it means anything, is the right to tell ones readers what they wish to hear, over and over again.

Administrative Notes 4

"...talk about 'a war to end war', a 'war for small nations', a 'war for democracy'... Its sole purpose is to make the reader feel that the hatred stirred up in him is righteous indignation, and may be indulged to benefit mankind." - Bertrand Russell

"Morals are private. Decency is public." - Rita Mae Brown

"Who are you to condemn another's sin? He who condemns becomes part of it, espouses it." - Georges Bernanos

"As far as I'm concerned, I prefer silent vice to ostentatious virtue." - Albert Einstein

"...This suggests we may simplify our account of what constitutes a good man: A good man is one whose opinions and activities are pleasing to the holders of power." - Bertrand Russell

"Hypocrisy is great fodder for comedy." - Mo Rocca

Festive Admin Note

Administrative Notes 2

Venezuela - An Apology

It has come to my attention that some consumers of Decent journalism and bloggery may have formed the impression that we believe President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela is a megalomaniacal tyrant, drunk on power and intent upon launching a thousand-year reich of fascist horror.


Readers may also have misinterpreted our principled stand against Britons who write positively of Chavez as somehow indicating that they have "brought shame upon the Left".


In fact, nothing could be further from the truth.


Nonetheless, having re-examined articles and posts entitled Bloodthirsty Dictator Chavez Crushes All Human Freedom; Fascist British Chavistas - The Shame Of The Left and Nationalisation of Corporate Interests - Who Will Be First Into The Gas Chamber?, I can see why some confusion might have arisen.


As the official scribe of Muscular Liberalismtm, I can categorically state that we have always believed that Chavez is merely a very silly person, if not an outright figure of fun. His recent electoral defeat merely confirms that he is rather weak, ineffectual and something of a comical loser.


Nor have we ever intended to imply that leftists said nice things about him because of their inward yearning for the crushing of all democracy beneath the Latin jackboot. It was not our intention to imply that modern socialists are generally a feeble-minded mob of genocidal cretins whose brains are ripe to be washed with the most hateful and violent ideologies imaginable.


No, these leftists have instead "brought shame upon the Left" by believing the words of this empty-headed charlatan and his sub-Chomskyan jeremiads.


I hope this clarifies our principled position against this terrifying, cartoonish stuffed-shirt and his pathetic, hilarious attempt to overthrow democracy and create a totalitarian communist empire.


P.S. I have recently discovered that certain unserious writers have implied that our honest stance against Hugo Chavez is motivated solely by our desire to crush anyone who says nasty things about George W. Bush. Others have claimed that our position is motivated by our maniacal urge to discredit and destroy any political movement to the left of Blairism.


I can confirm that these accusations have no basis in fact, and are being circulated by a small, dishonest group of irrelevant, Stalinist throwbacks whose hatred of the American President has warped their tiny minds.

Administrative Notes 1

Praise for The Encyclopedia of Decency.

"(like) ...an Edinburgh Fringe publicity site... Only not as funny... you are dickhead of epic proportions who is to satire what Titus Bramble is to defending" - Brownie, Harry's Place Poster

"... deceitful and mendacious... you're an opportunistic, self-righteous knob." Alec MacPherson, Harry's Place

"Idiocy." - Josh Scholar, Harry's Place

"...peculiar and obsessive... deluded imbecile... talentless wastril... about as funny as Bob Hope... ridiculous." - Commenters at Drink-Soaked Trotskyite Popinjays For War.

"It's broos-KET-uh you thick cunt." - Anonymous commenter, EoD