Legitimacy

Adjective

Leh-Jit-Tih-Mass-Say

The state of acting in accordance with the law, particularly in holding public office. A politician or head of state is ruled to hold his power legitimately providing he or she can secure the majority support of commenters at the internet blog Harry's Place.

Having secured a democratic mandate from the gatekeepers of Decency, a national leader is largely free to act in any way he or she sees fit. Penalty points are applied for failing to maintain at least an indifferent human rights record, indulging in blatant larceny or clamping down on free speech. Major credits can be gained by occasionally voicing weak support for surgical strikes upon whichever nation the West is bombing democracy into at that particular moment.

Any leader attempting to enact legislation to empower the mass of the people, redistribute wealth or curtail the excesses of the free market will be regarded as suspicious.

Any leader mentioning The Rubble can expect instant disqualification.

"Of course Hugo Chavez is a dictator - he has no legitimacy whatsoever."

"But he's won election after election. He may be mad as a box of weasels, but surely he's earned his office."

"Are you deaf or something? The people have spoken - he's a dictator."

Complicit

Rhetorical Ploy

Komm-Pliss-Sit

Conjugation of support.

"I support Israeli self-defence against Hezbollah.

You are in agreement with Hezbollah.

They are Complicit in Hezbollah's aggression."

WWGD?

Sporting Pursuit

Acronym for What Will Galloway Do? Amusing internet pastime, prompted by any mildly political or military occurance.

Properly executed, the WWGD gambit can result in days of entertainment and ribaldry as hundreds of humourists speculate wildly over the perfidy of the football-faced, shouty political Munchkin.

"I see that the people of Burma are protesting against their tyrannical rulers. Analysts fear that the regime will react violently... this situation has the potential for appalling loss of life, but also extends the hope that the people of that nation will overthrow their corrupt rulers... All of which leaves us with only one vital, burning question... WWGD?"

"Galloway will definitely issue a statement in support of the regime, decrying the imperialist United Nations Committee on Human rights..."

"Ho ho, he'll set up a charity - I can see it now, DictatorAid! Please give generously..."

"I reckon GG will be on the first plane out to fellate these dictators and tickle their balls."

"LOL!!!!!1!!!"

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! ! My face hurts from laughing!!!!"

":)!!!!" (Cont. ad infinitum)

Chucklesome version of "Yo Mamma So Fat" for middle-class university graduates.

Racism

Noun

Ray-Sizz-Zum

Anti-Semitism.

Good Intentions

Rhetorical Ploy

Good In-Ten-Shuns

1. Naive ideals about anti-racism held by latte-swilling Islington liberals, which have inevitably led to the ghettoisation and fragmentation of modern Britain into a collection of mutually hostile ethnic and religious clan fiefdoms.

Stupid and deluded beliefs resulting in unmitigated disaster, thoroughly discrediting the effete Ivory Tower simpletons who hold them.

2. Righteous ideals about anti-fascism held by Muscular Liberals, which have accidentally led to the ghettoisation and fragmentation of modern Iraq into a collection of mutually hostile ethnic and religious clan fiefdoms.

Timeless and compelling beliefs resulting in qualified success, thoroughly vindicating the sensible and serious commentators who hold them.

See also Failures Of The Reconstruction, Stable Democracy, Confronting Fascism.

Responsibility

Noun

Reh-Sponce-Sib-Bill-Lit-Tay

Rhetorical ploy and moral blank cheque excusing any and all fatalities incurred during surgical strikes upon military targets - full and final culpability for any casualties resulting from the actions of Democrats.

"Let me see if I can pin down your point here. Surely the occupation of Iraq has been an abject disaster -"

"Yes, and one for which terrorists bear ultimate responsibility."

"Oh, come on, you're not suggesting that all those wedding parties that have been obliterated-"

"... Are unfortunate horrors, arising from the depravity of fascists."

"... Right. So when the Metropolitan Police mistakenly shoot a member of the public at point blank range, then pump exculpatory propaganda into the media, that would be-"

"That would be a disgraceful failure in operational procedures, compounded by a grotesque and deliberate strategy of misinformation."

"My goodness, really?"

"No, not really, you total retread - it's the fucking terrorists' fault again, isn't it?"

"I see. David Aaronovitch, thank you."

"No problem Jeremy, it's always a pleasure appearing on Newsnight."

The Moral High Ground

Rhetorical Ploy

Tha Maw-Rull Hy Grownd

1. Righteous position claimed during acts of Terrorism-By-Proxy - a comfortable, satisfying aura of regretful determination.

2. The only place left to stand after cheering surgical strikes on the Low Ground and the cluster bombing of the Middle Ground.