Administrative Notes 4

"...talk about 'a war to end war', a 'war for small nations', a 'war for democracy'... Its sole purpose is to make the reader feel that the hatred stirred up in him is righteous indignation, and may be indulged to benefit mankind." - Bertrand Russell

"Morals are private. Decency is public." - Rita Mae Brown

"Who are you to condemn another's sin? He who condemns becomes part of it, espouses it." - Georges Bernanos

"As far as I'm concerned, I prefer silent vice to ostentatious virtue." - Albert Einstein

"...This suggests we may simplify our account of what constitutes a good man: A good man is one whose opinions and activities are pleasing to the holders of power." - Bertrand Russell

"Hypocrisy is great fodder for comedy." - Mo Rocca

Updated - Racism

Noun

Ray-Sizz-Zum

1. Anti-Semitism.

2. Bullshit accusations employed by Ken Livingstone and his cackling horde of gremlins and familiars, used to assail and smear wide-eyed, honest Decents while shitting smouldering brimstone all over the streets of London.

Dishonest, cowardly tactic used in bad faith to deflect deserved criticism by mendacious, deceitful persons.

"Frankly, I think that the financial irregularities Livingstone has presided over look a bit dodgy, and he has questions to answer."

"Why are you singling out Ken, eh? Whatabout all those other cases of corruption in the Labour Party... Cash For Honours, Lord Levy, Wendy Alexander - Will-You-Condemn them too? I find this obsession with Ken a bit suspicious."

"Who, me? But surely it's reasonable to ask -"

"Looks like a case of naked racism to me - why should Ken be held to a higher standard? You seem to be hinting at some Well-Funded Kennite plot to dominate the Earth through a network of Socialist space satellite lasers."

"But-"

"Frankly, your obvious anti-Ken agenda is just grievance mongering driven by hatred, and is indicative of the rampant racism that is so prevalent in the Decent Left these days. I'm disgusted."

Theocracy

Religious Political System

Thee-Aw-Krah-Say

1. Despicable system of government by which totalitarians rule in the name of God, which should be firmly opposed in Iran, Saudi Arabia, Turkey and other countries.

2. Legitimate system of government by which moderates rule in the name of Democracy, which should be firmly supported in Iraq and Afghanistan.

See also Solidarity With Decent Iraqis, Stable Democracy.

Neoconitis

Clinical Unseriousness

Nee-Yoh-Kaw-Ny-Tiss

Debilitating mental condition afflicting brie-scoffing liberal relativists and ivory-tower dwelling elitists, as diagnosed by Alan Johnson, causing them to rend their garments in apopleptic rage.

The sole reason for the refusal of the Britsh public to embrace Muscular Liberalism in its entirety, symptoms of Neoconitis include disruption to sensory perception, susceptability to conspiracy theories and strong allergic reactions to bullshit.

Typically, sufferers will fail to recognise signs of social democracy in those who agitate for the replacement of established international law with a loose set of poorly defined statements amounting to "The Republicans do whatever they like, no matter how deranged or self-serving."

Examples of mass outbreaks of Neoconitis include voters in the American Democratic Party primaries in 2006, who went berserk, convincing themselves that lifelong socialist and humanitarian Senator Joe Lieberman was some kind of Republican hack.

In reality, Lieberman's record of near-total support for Republican chicanery over war, massive redistributions of wealth to the economic elite and bankruptcy bills that shaft the public for the benefit of credit card companies was a sign of his deep, committed Leftism.

See also Neoconitis by Alan Johnson.

The Aaronovitch Dodge

Twinkle-Toed Argumentative Evasion

Thee Ay-Rawn-Noh-Vitch Doj

Two-part rhetorical ploy and moral blank cheque first employed by the nimble Decent journalist David Aaronovitch to skip past defenders.

Faced with an opponent, one first misdirects him or her by announcing that any person who refuses to support certain ill-conceived foreign policy adventures will bear moral responsibility for future deaths.

Having bedazzled slow-footed opponents, one then swiftly changes direction by announcing that those who supported said foreign policy clusterfucks bear no moral responsibility for the consequences thereof.

Correctly employed, this devastating rhetorical swerve leaves opponents dumbstruck at your audacity, while you bask in a zen-like state of absolute moral perfection, forever protected from the need to face certain unpleasant conclusions.

"But surely, Mr. Aaronovitch, your committed support for the invasion of Iraq was of great use to the British government at a time when it was having difficulties convincing the public of the case for war. By articulating and advocating the government's case with such care and deliberation, surely you bear some responsibility for the chaos and mayhem that resulted."

"I don't know nothing, mate - a big Fascist did it and ran away... It was like that when I got here. My Islamist dog ate it... It just broke itself, I never touched it... Oh, look, are those Iranian Bus Drivers?"

See also Terrorists Are Bad, Terrorism-By-Proxy, Departure From Universal Principles, Failures in the Reconstruction Process, Mea Culpa Sed Tu Quoque Ad Maximum.

Peace Conference

Hope/Suicide of Nations

Pees Con-Feh-Rance

Conciliatory summit at which democrats and fascists come together in the spirit of their shared humanity to thrash out a deal that will be judged fair and equitable by the Republicans.

Moral Compass

Mystical Voodoo Power

Maw-Rul Kum-Pus

Unerring internal guide of righteousness, useful for examining vastly complex bloodbaths involving an incomprehensible patchwork of militias, death squads, private armies, criminal gangs and terrorist groups, all of whom split their loyalties between a bewildering array of political, religious, national and tribal interests, and deciding which faction to support.

This 100% reliable tool of moral guidance is also useful for divining which group represents the forces of democracy in any intractable, bloody feud over land and resources between a network of competing political, criminal and religious sects.

This instinctual understanding helps the Muscular Liberal focus like a laser upon the core truths of any given conflict. He or she can thus identify the good guys, who can then be supported with mealy-mouthed newspaper articles and highly partisan blog posts, while simultaneously slaying the ravenous beast of relativism with the sword of whatabout?

Similarly, this arcane ability allows one to spot the fascists in any given conflict, the better to deliver surgical strikes upon military targets.

n.b. While the moral compass functions with absolute precision during foreign conflicts, it can often become more difficult to read during western interventions, especially if there are numerous instances of Al-Qaedification and Terrorism-by-Proxy.

At such times, it's important to note that such situations are messy and that bad things happen during wars.

See also Iraqi Political Football, Decent Telepathy, Moral Dilemma.

The Phantom Stopper

Terrifying Supernatural Phenomenon

Tha Fan-Tum Staw-Purr

The disembodied spirit of a deceased fascist, the Phantom Stopper roams the streets of Britain, disorienting Decents with its plaintive, deceptive cries. The Phantom lurks nearby whenever political issues are discussed, howling its ghoulish messages into the night.

Its ghostly exhortations can be heard on dark and stormy evenings, when a fell voice seems to carry upon the wind, insinuating itself into the minds of sensitive Decents with cries of "Ooooo.... Death to the imperialist Amerikkkans.... Ooooo...."

Sudden visitations by the Phantom can cause great confusion to the psychically attuned, as the articulation of simple political concepts seems to distort into bloodcurdling shrieks for genocide and war.

"Well, as I was saying, I think that the more right-wing American politics become, the more counter-productive its foreign policies are."

"That's a good point - the era of Republican dominance has - wait, what's that noise?"

"I can't hear anything."

"I distinctly heard you say 'Oooo, the Zionist entity must be destroyed, Oooo'."

See also Decent Telepathy, Decent TARDIS, Decent Taxi