Sunday, 21 December 2008

Admin Notes 10 - The Bruschettas 2008

The festive season is upon us once more and in true end-of-year tradition, it's time for voting to open in the inaugural Bruschetta Awards, as given by The Encyclopedia of Decency in recognition of outstanding service to the cause of Muscular Liberalism.

My nominations for a few awards follow as an example, and readers are invited to submit any instances of Decency above and beyond the call of duty before the final count. Without much ado, let us commence...

The Mammy-Two-Shoes Award

Awarded in recognition of the most hysterically overblown reaction to a non-story, named for the old lady who owned Tom in Tom & Jerry.

To my mind, this year's finest display of chair-leaping, skirt-clutching, broom-beating shriekery was David T. of Harry's Place's jihad on segregated swimming - a not-really-very-interesting story immediately pounced on by the Mail, the Telegraph, and a global audience of gleeful wingnuts and white supremacists.

Congratulations are due, for inflating a disinterested decision made by a dipshit local administrator into an epic struggle between secularism, religious reaction and ethnic segregation is harder than it looks.

The Islingtonian Award For Anecdotal Anti-Semitism

Given for excellence in the reporting of alleged fashion-accessory racism by unidentified chardonnay-swilling elitists at Liberal Dinner Parties or in Decent Taxis.

Surely nobody has given as much in this field as Dennis MacShane MP, whose unstinting work in relating unverifiable tales of haute-cuisine Hebrew-hatred by anonymous middle-class liberals is second to none.

The Golden Wankshaft

Awarded for the most crass smuggling of deranged, wingnut culture war propaganda under the cover of a supposedly left wing critique.

Readers will do well to find a more egregious example than Nick Cohen's When Barack's Berserkers Lost The Plot, which joyfully embraced the hilarious "Liberal elitists hate Sarah Palin because she's so working class" propaganda being pumped out by America's most barking.

Extra points are awarded for invoking the following Decent hot-button words - Post-Modern, Support for the Iraq war, Neocons, "Leftists... Allowing their hatred to override their judgement" and Eric Hobsbawm.

Suggestions are also humbly requested in the following categories -

The Coalface Gong -
For the most ostentatious condemnation of generic middle class liberals and high-horse antics over the working class by a Decent earning not less than three times the national average wage;

The Bellicosity Bauble - For the most bloodcurdling call for counterproductive warmaking;

The Inkblot - Given for the most impressive extrapolation of fascist, racist and/or pro-terrorist beliefs from the flimsiest evidence, preferably an out-of-context, single-sentence quote;

The Sara Lee Award - For the simultaneous consumption and retention of one's ideological cake. Winners are likely to be found amongst commentators on the Russo-Georgian war, during which Georgia managed to be both an American client state and not an American client state at the same time, and finally;

The Fuckam Tu Quoque - Given to the Decent who issued the most grudging, minimalist admission of error, accompanied by the most hilariously bitter But You Are All Bastards Nonetheless snark.

Many thanks.


Larry Teabag said...

The question of whether Mad Mel counts as Decent is now critical. I vote against, but would welcome the referee's judgement.

Since I've got in early - this recent howler from Alan Johnson is surely crasser, more deranged and wingnuttier a wankshaft than Cohen's.

I'll tip Marko Attila Hoare for an Inkblot, but can't face sifting through his pronouncements in order to nominate a specific post.

Malky Muscular said...

The question of whether Mad Mel counts as Decent is now critical.

Were I a rational human being, my response would be Of course not, are you mental?

Given that I'm the self-appointed arbiter of all things Decent, however, I am forced to note that the Muscular Liberals Do not condemn her. Not only that, but I am aware of several instances where leading Decents have endorsed one of her opinions.

Even worse, I would note a certain similarity between Mel's beliefs and those of the Decents, all of which leads me to the conclusion that Mel is thoroughly Decent; that all other Decents agree with all of her mad opinions and that, in all likelihood, most of them probably want to do it with her, nasty style.

See? Easy, when you possess the right analytical tools.

Daniel said...

Suuny Hundal's near-classic "Why John Pilger Is Teh Racistest Because He Doesn't Love Barack Obama" is a fine piece of inkblottery.

However I am Concerned that he is Unserious about fighting Fascism.

ejh said...

The Tu Quoque presumably goes to Mr T, again, re: the recent Owen Hatherley thread. (The New Statesman didn't say that Hatherley is a member of the SWP! Oh, he isn't? Well, they should have said something anyway!)

Anonymous said...

Bellicosity Bauble is a two-horse race. on the one hand there is Oliver 'we must attack Russia now' Kamm, on the other is Norm 'we must attack Zimbabwe now' Geras.

Malky Muscular said...

I reckon David T. might be in for a bumper year here - if I can think of a way to crowbar that What racist insults will the evil anti-imperialists throw at Barack Obama debacle, definitely.

A super-special award for HP's hilariously terrible Your View posters is surely on the cards too.

That said, I rely on readers to keep me up to date with some of the more obscure and tedious of my pro-clusterfuck brethren. I find it difficult to maintain the will to live while reading Brian Brivati, for instance, and BHL fills me with a desire to slam my own head in a car door until my eyes explode - any assistance there would be greatly appreciated.*

Brilliant intellects such as these surely deserve the oxygen of publicity that only an anonymous blog with a readership of fourteen can provide.

*That said, I can already hear the cries of You're on your own there, mate...

Anonymous said...

I think HP should be awarded something for promoting gender equality by claiming that Michelle Obama is just as fit as Sarah Palin,and not noticing anything strange about this.

Anonymous said...

By the way, I'm pretty sure that Andrew Anthony deserves a coalface gong, for criticising 'middle-class guilt' in every single political comment piece he writes while making his living writing reviews of luxury cars in, oh yes, The Guardian Saturday Magazine...

Also the inkblot can presumably also cover the truly hilarious Harry's Place thread on Hatherley.

It might also be worth compiling a lsit of the publications which the Muscular Decents are allowed to ignore because David T has proven that they are neo-nazi publications. Counterpunch and the New Statesman are two additions from this year...

donpaskini said...

There should be an award for 'best unsolicited submission to Encyclopedia of Decency'. I nominate David T's definition of McCarthyism:

ejh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ejh said...

(...because it was illiterate in content, but it asked what Admin Notes 9 were, since we have both 8 and 10).

flyingrodent said...

Admin Note 9 sits in Blogger Limbo, where it will stay until it becomes funny and/or devastatingly incicive.

Not much chance in the short term, I reckon.

Matthew said...

I'm not sure in which categories, but three come to mind.

Nick's column accusing Mandela of 'lacking guts'


Nick's piece in which he says that David Horowitz's failing is that he is not critical enough of liberals.

But of course Larry's point is the important one, as if Mel counts then nothing, perhaps ever written, was as barking as this piece, in which she accuses Obama and his Administration(-elect?) of 'storming' the White House to 'bring down America'.

Anonymous said...

late contender for the
islingtonian award...

flyingrodent said...

Many thanks, all - I'll collate this in a few days and announce the winners. It's still open for nominations until that point.

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